What makes a woman beautiful?
Is it shiny blonde locks that tumble gracefully down her back?
Is it perfectly groomed brows with arches that peak just above the iris?
Is it wide, sparkling eyes framed by thick, dark lashes?
Full, pouty lips?
High cheekbones?
Large, taut breasts that sit high on her chest?
A tiny, trim waste punctuated by tight, defined abs and a perfectly formed navel?
Slim hips that slightly contrast the waist but allow for a clear view of two angular bones at either side?
A smooth, round and full butt?
Long, slender arms with a bit of muscle definition?
Tight, thin thighs and golden tan legs that go on and on?
Must a woman possess these traits to be beautiful? Are Jessica Alba and Angelina Jolie and Pamela Anderson the only possible formulas for female beauty?
I've read that physical beauty is subconsciously determined by symmetry, but I don't really buy that. Beauty standards seem to change with time and culture. I believe that the media, that Hollywood, that magazines and tv shows and movies and porn dictate to us what we find attractive.
We are a shallow culture.
Our men are shallow.
The saying goes that inner beauty shines through and makes someone beautiful or vice versa, but it seems to me that inner beauty counts little when it comes to many men. Inner beauty is not some magical pixie dust or some neon sign that blinks "sweet, funny girl" or "unbelievable bitch" on and off in order to aid the male species in dating.
Guess how you discover inner beauty?
You get to know someone.
You talk to her and hear her thoughts on PETA and the new Mustang and Aerosmith and abortion and Chinese food. You watch the way her eyes light up and she becomes animated and passionate when she talks about something she loves (this does not include herself). You spend enough time with her to realize that she has a way about her that puts you at ease. You admire the way her nose crinkles when she laughs because she shares your warped sense of humor. You watch her do something she's great at...the way she sweetly and calmly deals with an irate customer, the flurry of activity she engages in when she's under deadline, the tender way she puts her child to bed...and you admire her unique abilities. You discover that her mind is just as dirty as yours.
It goes on and on.
When a man sees a hot girl in a tiny little bikini with a beautiful smile and huge knockers strolling down the beach, he is NOT seeing inner beauty. His attraction is PHYSICAL. He is attracted to her because all his life he's been taught that she is beautiful.
The single mom in the one piece with the crooked teeth and manly legs digging a moat around her kid's sand castle? He's not going to give her the time of day. He'll never know if she's beautiful or not. She might be creepy beyond belief (just like the bikini babe might be, but he'd be willing to deal with creepy in order to sleep with her and have her on his arm in public), but it's just as likely that she's fun as hell to be around, considerate and kind, and incredibly talented in the sack.
But he'll never know.
Inner beauty isn't tits. Inner beauty isn't a tight pair of size 2 jeans. Inner beauty isn't sparkling eyes.
We are so hung up on a very rigid standard of beauty...and so obsessive in our search for it...that we dupe ourselves into believing that outward physical "perfection"...that our purely shallow attraction to someone...is an indication that they have inner beauty.
Maybe this is just the rant of an ugly girl. Maybe I'm just jealous because a bit of pudge rests over the waist of my jeans when I sit down. Maybe I'm jealous because my lips are too thin or because my breasts don't sit directly beneath my collar bones.
This is possible.
But I am raising young boys, and I think about this a lot, and what I see is a culture of ravenous, shallow men who rely on Maxim magazine and Spike TV to tell them who is worthy of their time. I see a culture of men who truly believe that lust is love. I see a culture of men who are scared of real women and who would rather have sex with themselves than get to know a woman who isn't Playboy-approved.
This isn't likely to change anytime soon...so until then we women will keep up with the crunches and the salad lunches and the implants and the highlights and collagen injections in hopes that we'll warrant a second glance.
Sad.
Physical beauty fades...remember this, men.