The truth is loaded with transfats
Published on March 8, 2008 By Texas Wahine In Blogging

I am fat.  I'm a fat chick.

 

While impressive lies will get you far in life, I am more comfortable with the unflattering truth.  My life has been filled with the lies of others, but for some reason honesty has always felt more like home to me.  This is a disadvantage, obviously, since I am not adored by hordes of people, but I am not able to shape a lie into something that seems reasonable and plausible, although I can exaggerate for entertainment's sake.

One of my truths is that I am not, and will likely never be, a small person.  I was small (although I didn't think so) when I was in high school (before I had kids), and there's probably a small person somewhere inside me yearning desperately to be let free, but truthfully, I'm all about food and gluttonly.  My husband has, on several ocassions, been impressed by the sheer volume of food I can put away.  I am not an "order salad to impress someone" girl.  It's just not in me to do that. 


In my life, I am thinnest a few months after childbirth.  Breastfeeding and the rigors of labor take the weight off me like nothing else can.  I can do Weight Watchers (and I was a WW Leader for a time!) and lose weight, but nothing is as effective as the new mother diet.


I lost weight after Xavier, and I thought I was fat, but I was a completely healthy...thin even...weight. I dieted and worked out before Orian and was healthy and slim...and after him, I was VERY thin.  I loved it.  I ate whatever I wanted and the weight kept falling off.  Alas, when he weaned my weight crept up.  Before Isabella I was at a completely unhealthy weight and after I had her I slid back down to a decent weight. 


I was 5'5" and 150 (or so!) when Isabella was about 10 months old and my husband came back from Iraq.  I know that sounds like a terrible weight, but I felt good and I felt like I looked ok in my clothes.  I was excited to be in 10s again.


Since then, my weight has rocketed skyward.  My husband loves to eat and encourages me to indulge and I'm happy to oblige him. He's never been negative about my weight or made me feel bad about my body, and when I'm happy...I eat!

 

I have no idea what I weigh today.  No scales.  I do know that the jeans that are currently comfortable are a size 14.  At my most recent bra fitting I was a 32 HH.  I need XL in anything that is sold in stores.  So, I feel it's pretty safe to say that I'm fat. 

It bothers me.  We've been eating a lot of fast food and junk.  I haven't been drinking much water.  And I have not exercised at all.  It's not a surprise that my weight has gone up.  But it still hurts to look in the mirror and see a fat chick.


But that's real.  That's me.  I'm a fat chick.  I'm not going to lie.  I hope to get a handle on my weight when we get into our house, but I can't make any promises.  I may be fat forever. 


Comments (Page 1)
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on Mar 08, 2008

Only XL?  The fuck you talkin' about?  If XL is fat then most of the population is pretty well boned at this point, dear.


~Zoo

on Mar 08, 2008
You're beautiful, Brandie. Inside and out.


I agree (although I dunno about that "inside" part 'cause I hate it on TV when they show those "scope cams" running down somebody's throat or up their ass on those medical things. Yeccch!   )
on Mar 08, 2008

I've always been active and not overly thin, but athletic, average.  I wore a 6-8 most of my adult life, but was wearing a 2-4 for several years before Gavin was born.

When my thyroid wimped out on me a few years ago, (after G's birth) I cut my daily calories almost in half when I found out.

Well as life goes, it turned out thyroid wasn't the only issue.  I am healthy and active don't get me wrong, but my hormonal balance is a terrible mess.  So the Dr put me on medication last year which caused "temporary" weight gain.

I almost stopped eating completely for awhile (well not really, I ate mostly all vegetable and fruit, no meat, and lots of milk for the protein) and watched the weight creep up one pound at a time.  I worked out to exhaustion, lifted weights, and still, creep creep creep.

Thankfully I only needed that medication for a couple months, but in the interim I gained like twenty five pounds.

None of my clothes fit right now except one pair of jeans and my sweat pants.  I fluctuated between small-med my whole life, but now I am buying large and since I like to wear baggy clothes x-large.

I am still working out, watching my caloric/fat intake and guess what?  In the last six months, I have lost a whopping THREE pounds of the weight I gained.  My Dr assures me that this is "normal" it will just take me a long time to lose it.

I could rip his head off when he says that.  Who has two hours every single day to devote to cardio and weight training just to stay the same FREAKING size?

My cardio/weight lifting program always paid for itself.  I paid with my time, it paid with results.  Now I am not getting results equal with the time I devote.  Very frustrating, and frankly makes me wonder why I even bother with extended work outs, might as well just go with 30 minutes a day to keep the old ticker healthy.

ALLLL that to say...well, I don't know..just wanted to share my fat chick story with ya.

 

on Mar 08, 2008
I'm a fellow fat chick. I've been working out on a regular basis and still not shedding pounds. I really hate dieting but I really have to measure food and write what I eat down or I simply don't lose weight.

Your current situation is certainly not ideal for losing weight. I say take it easy on yourself until you get settled in your house. I bet you will be so busy setting up your new home that the weight will start coming off.

I can't wait for the snow to stop here in MI so I can get back out with Ashley and walk!

That third baby really does a doozy on your bod (at least it did mine). I did the same thing you described, those 500 cals a day being burned making milk and choosing sleep over food helped weight come off right after the babies but then it started creeping back on and then some.

You're beautiful from all of the pics I've seen. You don't sound happy with yourself though. I don't know about you but I worry about the example I'm setting for Ashley. I don't want her to be obsessed about diet but I also don't want her to acquire my bad habits.

I'm with ya friend. ~hugs~
on Mar 08, 2008
I really hate dieting


Here's the thing: DON'T DO IT. Don't "diet". Diet is a dirty self defeating word. What I've finally found is it's all about lifestyle not "dieting." Heh, when people ask me how I've lost so much weight I tell them "simple! Just eat REAL food, not a lot of it, mostly plants (as Michael Pollan says), and RUN FOUR MILES A DAY (as I say)."

Ain't nothin' to it.   

But the way you gotta look at it is a lifestyle change. A new you. It's hard but it gets easier with time (and a whole helluva lotta sweat, lol) and you'll find you really kinda like the new you. Trust me: it IS worth it.
on Mar 08, 2008
Here's the thing: DON'T DO IT. Don't "diet". Diet is a dirty self defeating word.


Yeah, yeah. I know the psycho babble. I've been struggling with my weight since I was 6yrs old. I became a lifetime member of WW at age 10.

When you are "changing your lifestyle" it feels a lot like dieting. Things like weighing food and writing down what you eat are things I know I have to do to change my lifestyle. But it sure doesn't come naturally and it sure feels like dieting.
on Mar 08, 2008
Oh, and as for running 4 miles a day, some of us don't have the physical ability to run or do high impact exercise that uses the extra calories quickly.
on Mar 08, 2008

Yeah, yeah. I know the psycho babble.


Sorry. All I know is it works for me.

Things like weighing food and writing down what you eat are things I know I have to do to change my lifestyle.


Yuck. I wouldn't do none of that either. And as for running four miles a day? Heh, you gotta work up to that. Believe me!

And what is it I'm always reading here? Winners do something...

on Mar 09, 2008
I've got some excess weight on me, and actually, am getting heavier after changing jobs, and not having enough time to go to the gym as regularly as I used to. And this time, I can TELL what an extra 5 pounds feel like. Before, I could not.

Like Roy, exercise is what works for me. A whole lot of it, too. I was asked to be part of a group at the gym, but dropped it, after noticing the intensity (or lack thereof) level of the core group members. A short stroll on the treadmill, and a bike ride for 10 minutes at a very low level is not going to do much. My success has come from a whole lot of sweat, with a whole lot of work. I hate it, but also love it, too.

As far as counting calories and stuff, I can't be bothered. I know it would help too, but the addiction to food (and beer) is pretty heady stuff. I bury my head in the sand, I know.

I love food though, and yeah, it's hard to change patterns, and what happens to your body after birth and time just marching on.

Keep on, B.
on Mar 09, 2008

Yuck. I wouldn't do none of that either. And as for running four miles a day? Heh, you gotta work up to that. Believe me!

Not if you have no cartilidge in your knees you don't.

Ultimately though, it's all about priorities.  I'm about 10 lbs heavier than I'd like to be.  But I'm not willing to expend the effort in that direction because there are other things that I consider more important.

I suspect Jilluser is in the same boat.  She can't run 4 miles - period. Her knees would disintegrate. Swimming is a good excercise but with 3 small children, it would be logistically very expensive to spend the 6 to 8 hours per week necessary to make it happen.

Jilluser already goes to a personal trainer 3 times a week for 2 hours at a stretch but when your resting metabolism is 1400 calories, it really boils down to eating like a rabbit in order to keep weight down.

As for "winners", as someone who has written on the subject, I've never said that winners do something. I've said that winners make good choices.

on Mar 09, 2008
Okay, running's a not-for-everybody bad example. It's just my thing. So how 'bout bicycling? Or just walking? You can even take the kids walking! It's a great time to talk to them too. And the thing about moving and exercising is, after a while, your metabolism picks up and you burn more calories just being you. Heh, and I kinda oughta know as I'm 47 years old and I've lost right at seventy pounds now and feel TERIFFIC. I don't feel like I'm suffering a "diet" either -I just focus on eating healthy and NO JUNK (Michael Polland again: real food, not a lot, mostly plants).

Anyway, all I know is, it's been "a good choice" and has worked great for me.
on Mar 09, 2008
I'm 47 years old and I've lost right at seventy pounds now and feel TERIFFIC. I don't feel like I'm suffering a "diet" either -I just focus on eating healthy and NO JUNK (Michael Polland again: real food, not a lot, mostly plants).

Anyway, all I know is, it's been "a good choice" and has worked great for me.


That's awesome Roy. I know there will be a day soon when I'm not having to schedule everything around a baby and TW is in the same boat there. It will be a hell of a lot easier to get exercise and plan for healthy meals.

I really don't do too badly as far as meals are concerned. Like Draginol said in my defense, I've had my metabolism checked because my trainer was concerned. I have a hell of a time burning calories and my knees aren't worth a darn.

It is like Draginol said though, it's about priorities. I love food and I love cooking. I will often choose chocolate over losing weight. I regret it once I step on those scales but I sure enjoy it up to that point!
on Mar 09, 2008
I'm a few sizes more than I should be, too...but I'm trying not to fret too much about it. I am going to try to get on the exercise regimen again, have been eating more fruits, and trying to eat healthy snacks.

I'll never be small, though. I'd be very happy to get back to a size 10.


on Mar 09, 2008

I'm feeling overly large and unattractive today.  The thing is that I don't feel like I'm that big until I see a picture and then I am shocked.  A friend just emailed me a lovely dose of reality today.  I have a tendency to cut too far back and become super bitchy and mean because I"M HUNGRY then I decide it's just better to be fat and happy.  I really want to be tiny and happy.  I want to wear cute clothes and not worry about whether it's showing my poochy tummy too much.  It's just so easy to have it weight creep up on you and it's so HARD to get it off.  Anyway, my point is that I'm in da club with you Brandie.   

on Mar 10, 2008

First off, Brandie, you're beautiful!

It's hard lookng at yourself and feeling like something is wrong with you just because...just becaue you're not a size 2 or 0!  It's horrible and not a good feeling to have, believe me I know.  I don't want to be a size 2 or 0, I would look absolutely weird given that I'm not a petite person (body-frame-wise)!

Just take it one day at a time, don't beat up on yourself and find that one thing you love to do, physically that makes you feel great at the end of it, and keep doing it! 

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