I WISH I could fit into a 10/12 so easily! Just so you know, you are not the only one who looks at other women and wishes you could be tight and toned.

Even if I lost 20 pounds, I still wouldn't be able to walk around in bare midriffs and short shorts. I wish we didn't have battles with weight, but we do. We just have to learn not too be so harsh on ourselves...and we have to learn to be accepting of our body type.

You are a very pretty gal, Tex...and I am sure that's what your husband sees when he looks at you...that and much more.

He would never say it, but it's just human nature, if he had a choice of course he is going to choose a buff, skinny sexy woman. I feel very bad that I cannot be that for him because he deserves it. He is a good looking guy and we definitely don't match.

You know, sometimes I wish that I could reach through cyberspace and smack people. 

Now is one of those times.

Adrian chose, is choosing and continues to choose YOU, Brandie.  YOU.  As you are now, were in the past, and will be in the future.  Whether you weight 100lbs or 300lbs, whether you have a tan or not, whether you're flat chested or have long hair or are as bald as a fucking cueball.  YOU. 

 It's NOT human nature to want to have a buff wife; if that were the case none of us women who weigh over 100lbs would be married, and as for you two not matching, well.....that's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard you say.

I understand how it is to be uncomfortable with your body; I'm not very happy about living in my skin as it is right now.  I've gained a lot of weight - compared to how much I used to weigh, that is - and I don't care for it.  I know how you feel, kid.  But you can't be so hard on yourself, Tex.  You gotta cut yourself some slack.  You weigh less today than you did before you got pregnant, and you're still breastfeeding so you can't diet too much.  You WILL get smaller, and Adrian will love you just as much then as he does now.  They're boys, honey.  They're happy just to get to be naked with us; they don't quibble over 10lbs here or there.

Don't be so hard on yourself.  Christ knows you've got enough stress in your life without you adding to it.

"They're boys, honey. They're happy just to get to be naked with us; they don't quibble over 10lbs here or there."

I would take offense if it wasn't so true.

This boy totally agrees   

Brandie, You're way too hard on yourself. I don't know why you insist on thinking you are so big and unattractive. You have a great curvy body. You are a pretty woman. You have great hair. Plus you have a great personality and really fabulous online friends. You're good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people LIKE you. Face it men don't find Olive Oil attractive. Even those woman who have great bodies probably have things they wish they could change or envy something that you have that they don't. As far as the woman and how she looks with a baby the same age, a ton of that has to do with genetics. Some people are just really blessed with bodies that bounce back quickly. You made three great kids with that body. You are nourishing your child with that body. Love your body. Stand naked in front of the mirror and say "I am blessed to live in such a beautiful temple" and then believe it.

Okay as soon as I finish Modman's healing mantras, you will be getting a set of affirmations.

And you and Adrian make a great couple. You fit together like peas and carrots (said in my best Forrest voice), like cookies and milk, like pizza and beer...

I'm going to add my 2 cents here too.

I know how you feel. I know EXACTLY how you feel cause I am in the same boat. It doesn't matter what anyone says, it's still frustraing to hear that obnoxious voice in the back of your head critisizing yourself. I'm right with you on that.

That being said, turn the lights down a bit, put some sexy music on and dance. Feel good about how curvy and sexy you are. Then get dressed, turn the lights on and go live your life like you have a sexy theme song playing all the time to remind you that you are fantastic...

I felt exactly the same way after my last kid.

Dude. You know your hubby thinks you're hot.

And I hear you're in someone's "hot military wives" friends list. So he must not be the only one.


On the other hand, as someone who'd like to lose 20 pounds himself, I can relate to what you're talking about. The only person I want to look better for is me (well, and "my" soldiers, so I can set a good example), but I think I can relate, at least in some way. If you decide to put your efforts into losing more weight, I think you'll get a lot of support from your online friends.

Hey friend, I'm wearing size 10-14 and I haven't had any kids! Everyone has something they would like to change about their body. I guess we all just need to learn to love ourselves how we are. I can't really saying anything because I'm not feeling too great about myself right now either (see my article about being beautiful...) It is obvious that you have a lot of great friends around to remind you of how wonderful you are.

As others have said above, please don't worry about your appearance this much.  If your husband doesn't like *you* and wants something different, than your appearance isn't going to change that.  If you absolutely feel that you need to be smaller than you currently are, then work on a healthy diet and a reasonable fitness program and tone areas that you can.

Worrying over not being a stick figure that looks like the latest in People magazine is not healthy.  The hot bods that are seen out there in the media are not realistic.  Not that real people can't look similar to those body frames, it is just not something anyone should fret over.

Continue to be a good mother to your children and stay active with them.  Perhaps walk with them and push a stroller with the little one while you walk a reasonable brisk pace.  It'll help you work your cardio and give you quality time with your children while not letting you freak over your appearance (or at least it shouldn't let you).  While you are out walking with the little ones take notice of the other real people around you and see just how many you'd really feel are the tight bodies that you spoke of in your article.  I'd bet it isn't really that many.  (And if it is, then dammit, send some of them to the East Coast because there is a deficit here )

B, I think that you're totally hot. I wish I had YOUR body, honestly. I'm not going to tell you that what you think is stupid, because I think that most women have body image issues. You might think that Adrian is totally hot and he doesn't deserve you, but I don't believe that at all. I don't think that he would choose some "skinny, buff" chick, over you. Your outer woman is beautiful, and your inner woman is beautiful, too. You're the total package, B.

I have an issue with "ultra hot" people. I haven't met anyone that I consider to be super uber attractive that has actually had a personality that compliments their looks. You're probably the closest person to that that I know.

I think its important to feel healthy. I think it's so awesome that you've lost 30 extra pounds on top of the "baby" weight, breastfeeding or not. That's amazing (I so need to breastfeed...of course, having a baby would help, right?)!

For whatever its worth, I think you're absolutely beautiful, inside and out, and I'd bet my left ear that your husband does, too.

InBloom: I think you're *stunning*.

It is nice to hear that other women deal with this too. Thank you for the kind words.

dharma: You know, I understand that it's stupid and not constructive, and have even rolled my eyes when other women have expressed similar thoughts, but for some reason it's still there.

It is not easy living in a world filled with so many beautiful people.

I know Adrian loves me and I know he accepts me but I do feel like he deserves more. I wish I were able to give that to him.

I appreciate your advice and encouragement. You have a very inspirational outlook on femininity and body acceptance. Of course, it doesn't hurt that you're way hot.

Jythier & Maso: LOL. Tell that to my TV!

Loca: Thank you. You're so sweet.

There are times when I feel pretty ok about me, but then when I think of myself in comparison to other people I fall way short.

I don't want Isabella to do this. It's not a burden I want to pass on to here. I am so neurotic about this and I really would love to learn not to be.

I do appreciate what my body has done. It really does amaze me. I guess I should try to focus on that.

Haha, I do think Adrian and I go together like pizza and beer personality-wise.

LH: Thanks. I know it is annoying as hell to hear women do this, but at the same time...can't help it! I'm not glad you go through this too, but I'm glad you can relate.

It is hard to feel sexy or attractive when you are alone and untouched for so long. And I'm sure you understand that too.

Mason: LOL. All the other daddies were in size zeros and your fat ass was squeeeeezing into 10s?

pseudosoldier: Thanks. Not to be pervy, but it does feel nice to hear it from a guy.

I understand about setting the good example for your Soldiers thing. Adrian is big on that and is up in the gym working on his fitness over there in Iraq.

I just don't have the commitment he has...although I don't know where he found that cause he used to be a 6'0", 175 lb couch potato. LOL.

I think I do want to put effort into losing weight, at least to get myself into the "healthy" area even if it's high-end healthy. I don't know if I want to do it tomorrow or the next day though. LOL. I feel like I'm wasting time not doing this while Adrian is away, but it stresses me the hell out to try.

Thanks for the support.

straniera: Thanks. I'll bet you're beautiful and a very sleek 10-14.

I hope someday I can just be happy with myself. I just have a fear that everyone else is judging me and noting my flaws.

terp: I actually walk my boys to and from school 5 days a week with Izzy strapped on me (20+ lbs). It is a good start to my day to get a little bit of activity in and the sunshine helps wake me up and soften depression.

I have a treadmill which I hit irregularly. I do some Pilates and Cardio Strip-tease, but not consistently.

I do have to be careful about cutting too many calories since I am BFing, so maybe I just need to focus on upping my exercise. I always have good intentions of doing so but then my resolve fades away.

Thanks for the encouragement and the tips.

PS - There are some serious hottie moms here. No joke.

Marcie: Thanks. That's really sweet.

I do know some people who are like you've described...super hot and a total dud in the personality department. I guess personality does really color our perception of people, too.

I do FEEL healthy, I just wish I had a body more like some of my friends. Which I guess is not realistic.

Although one of my really hot girlfriends said she would "totally do" me, and that made me feel better, haha.

Breastfeeding is really great, Marcie, and I hope you can make it work when you have your babies. You will love it. Not just the weight loss, but the bonding and all the other stuff. It is wonderful.

You are such a caring, sweet woman, Marcie. Thank you!

The way I've always seen it is like this:

Everyone has an innate hot factor. Only cataclysmic injury or age will erode it, cos it's not based on any one part of their body.

You're pretty cute. You'll have to put on a lot more weight before you even start taking away from that.

You should pity those poor skinny girls who have to try so much harder to look as good as you do when you don't do anything.

dharma: You know, I understand that it's stupid and not constructive, and have even rolled my eyes when other women have expressed similar thoughts, but for some reason it's still there. It is not easy living in a world filled with so many beautiful people. I know Adrian loves me and I know he accepts me but I do feel like he deserves more. I wish I were able to give that to him. I appreciate your advice and encouragement. You have a very inspirational outlook on femininity and body acceptance. Of course, it doesn't hurt that you're way hot

That comment about me being hot made ME roll my eyes.

I know how hard it is to live in a world of beautiful women, and I also know how hard it is to have a buff husband go off on missions to countries where foreign girls will do ANYTHING to get with a GI.  ANYTHING.  It's those situations that make me take a deep breath and let go.  Let go, and trust him.  Trust him when he said he's not into anyone but YOU.  Trust him to behave himself when he's out with the boys.

Let go, Tex.  Let go of all your insecurities, let go of your body image issues.  Let go of them.....

 

Haha, cacto, that's really sweet. And the innate hotness factor is good to know about. LOL.

LW: Thanks.

"I can't believe you don't shut up." (Apu)

Dharma: LOL, don't roll your eyes woman, it's true.

I am totally not worried about "foreign girls"...been there, done that. It's not an insecurity issue where I am afraid he will leave me or do something stupid. It's more a personal internal thing.

But I do feel guilty that he's so buff and I'm not.