I am having a bit of a body crisis right now.

I have lost all my pregnancy weight. In fact, I weigh about 30 lbs. less now than I did pre-pregnancy. I haven't worked hard to lose this weight. It's all due to breastfeeding. However, I have apparently lost all I'm going to lose without effort on my part.

I am still about 8 lbs overweight, but I could lose plenty more and not waste away. Somehow I had managed to convince myself that it was ok for me to look the way I do. Not that I have an illusions about how I look...I know I am chunky and I am well aware of my figure flaws. But overall, I feel healthy, I am able to do active things I enjoy, and my size is for the most part acceptable to me.

I have a lot girlfriends with babies. One is a size zero. She has no stretch marks. She wears bikinis and tiny little pants. I have other friends with babies who are in 6s and 8s but have these wonderful, sexy toned bodies. They are all tan and flawless. It seems like I am the only one who doesn't have a body that looks like something from a magazine. These women look as good as women who have never had babies.

I met a girl the other day who has a baby the same age as Izzy. She is totally thin and nice and toned. I commented on how great she looks in comparison and she said, "Well, you have 3 kids". But I have girlfriends with 2, 3 children who have these flat tummies and perfect smooth booties.

It is really frustrating and demoralizing to be the only size 10/12, the only one without a golden tan, the only one with cellulite and stretch marks. Some of these ladies have worked hard for their bodies, and I respect that. And of course, they are not negative to me at all, but I know that if they are *that* motivated and *that* critical of themselves, they must be judging me as well.

Then there is the guilt I feel at not being a hot, thin wife for my husband. Adrian is not the kind of guy to be mean or make rude comments about my body or the way I look. In fact, he is always very complimentary. He would never say it, but it's just human nature, if he had a choice of course he is going to choose a buff, skinny sexy woman. I feel very bad that I cannot be that for him because he deserves it. He is a good looking guy and we definitely don't match. But even if I lost weight, I still wouldn't look as good as these other mommies.

I either need a new body or less hot friends.