He Did It Again

Published on January 25, 2006 By Texas Wahine In Misc

Well, he did it again. My youngest cut his hair. He had scissors for a homework project and still managed to cut his hair without my seeing him do it. He is the sneakiest little guy. I wonder how much he's gotten away with that I haven't found out about yet.

He snipped a tiny bit from the back of his hair. It's barely noticeable, but being mom I noticed it. He tried to deny it, but when I made him look me in the eyes he cracked and the truth spilled out. Of course he doesn't know why he did it. What sense does that make? Is it fun? Does he think he needs a haircut? I mean, what was his motivation?

I told him that I was going to give him an ugly haircut as punishment. That's not realistic, I know, but I try to use natural consequences or consequences that reinforce the wisdom of the rule that's been broken, when I can. What's the natural consequence of cutting your hair? Ugly haircut is all I can think of.

Adrian has staff duty tonight so I called him after the boys were in bed and asked him what he thought about it. When I told him about the ugly haircut bit he said, "Do you want me to cut a zig zag into his hair?" Ah, I don't want my baby to have an ugly haircut. I just want him to stop cutting his hair.

Adrian suggested banning him from using scissors. Totally a natural consequence because the problem is not just haircutting but "playing" with scissors which is a no-no because it's dangerous, but the ban has pretty much been in effect since the shorts-cutting incident more than a year ago. He's only allowed scissors for homework (or sometimes when he's drawing and "making" things) and only under supervision.

We have the plastic scissors that only cut paper, but those things require more motor skills than I posses. He'd have an easier time baking a batch of cookies than he would using those scissors.

He was sad when I sent him to bed, and it breaks my heart when he's sad. He's just so cuddly and innocent and adorable. When I have to get on to him, he tells me that I "hurt his feelings" and that I'm being mean to him. I usually remind him that even though it may seem like I'm being mean, what I'm really doing is providing discipline, which is good for him. I want him to understand the difference between being hateful or unkind to someone and true instruction that helps us learn to be better people.

Is an ugly haircut discipline or just mean? I don't think I could even follow through with that, so I should never have said it. I'm just not sure what it will take to discourage him from cutting his hair. When Adrian gets home tomorrow, he and I will have to talk and brainstorm.

Gah, I love the little guy so much, but he tries my patience sometimes.

Comments

dharmagrl

on Jan 25, 2006

I'd advise against the 'ugly haircut' method. I think it will cause more issues than it will solve - including some issues with self-image.

He's so little, and that's a problem. If it were my kids, I'd take away something, like computer time or video games. If he has regular times to play games you could take that away.

You're trying to teach him that there are comsequences to his actions. I'm not sure that an ugly haircut will be the most effective method.

Tova7

on Jan 25, 2006

At the root of this problem is disobedience right?

You told him not to do it anymore, he did.

So as a consequence to that, he loses a favorite toy or something for a few days.

Your love for your kids comes through in everything you write Tex. I am SURE you will do the exactly right thing for the little guy.

Good luck!

Moderateman

on Jan 25, 2006

how about you just let him continue to cut his own hair and have to live with the enevitable bad haircut self imposed? that way he cannot blame anyone for it.

crimson

on Jan 25, 2006

I agree with, Moderateman, but I do understand your son's fascination with the idea.

Every once in a while I get the compulsion to cut all my hair off. I've never done it, simply because, hey! I'm an adult and going to work with a head like a newborn bird wouldn't go over well.

If I was a kid with less social constrictions, I think I'd try it out.

I let Kole dye her hair (washout) and she'd been bugging for about a year. Now that she's done it, she hasn't brought it up again.

Texas Wahine

on Jan 25, 2006

Little Whip:

I think an ugly haircut isnt necessarily a bad idea, but it might backfire in unexpected ways. He might actually like it, and then what are you gonna do?

Sounds like you know him pretty well. Hahaha.

And even if he doesnt like it, it adds an element of public humiliation to the punishment that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's also a rather long lasting punishment, isnt it? Unless you only make him wear it for a couple of days (preferably over a weekend so he doesnt get teased at school over it) and then buzz it off in a high and tight.

Well, if I did it, I definitely wouldn't send him to school with it. It would be a weekend thing before a Sunday night haircut. Hehe.

I'm not a parent, Tex, so I usually avoid giving parenting advice, but for what it's worth in this case, I'd forget about 'natural consequences' and just take away a favorite toy or something for as long as it takes for the hair he cut to grow out, or use some other more traditional form of punishment.

I think the removal of a privilege until it grows out sounds pretty good. Thanks.

PS - I don't think you should hesitate to give parenting advice...even though you don't have children of your own, you have a very good understanding of human nature and motivations, and I think that's incredibly valuable in parenting.

dharma:

I'd advise against the 'ugly haircut' method. I think it will cause more issues than it will solve - including some issues with self-image.

Hehe. This kid has self-confidence that can't be shaken, hahahahaha. He is the most friendly, outgoing, self-assured kid I've ever met. It cracks me up because his brother tends to be more shy, introverted, and kinda awkward.

He's so little, and that's a problem. If it were my kids, I'd take away something, like computer time or video games. If he has regular times to play games you could take that away.

Yeah, I'm thinking maybe like LW said, tying that in to the length of time it takes to get the hair to grow back. Of course, I haven't given him a punishment yet, and the issue is growing stale, so perhaps he'll get a free pass. I've talked to him about it at length...gah, I don't know.

Tova:

At the root of this problem is disobedience right?

Hmmm...that's true.

Your love for your kids comes through in everything you write Tex. I am SURE you will do the exactly right thing for the little guy.

Thanks for saying that. I really appreciate it.

Moderateman:

how about you just let him continue to cut his own hair and have to live with the enevitable bad haircut self imposed? that way he cannot blame anyone for it.

Bwahahahahahaha...you don't know how tempted I am to do that! I don't worry to much about appearances, and hair grows back, but I think he might like that too much!

Nicky:

Every once in a while I get the compulsion to cut all my hair off. I've never done it, simply because, hey! I'm an adult and going to work with a head like a newborn bird wouldn't go over well.

Sometimes it's a bummer to be an adult! Hehe.

I let Kole dye her hair (washout) and she'd been bugging for about a year. Now that she's done it, she hasn't brought it up again.

I think it's constructive to let kids influence safe choices about their appearance. There's so little that they have control over, and hair and clothes are an easy way to empower them and allow them to understand the impact their choices can have. Good on you for doing that.

We've let the kids play with hair color, too, which is fun, but my oldest has light-ish hair, and it takes forever for that stuff to wash out!

I do let them pick their haircuts, so I suppose him cutting his hair isn't that big of a deal...it's just that he knows that he shouldn't play with scissors or cut anything but paper...and he broke the rules.

Thanks, everyone, for the advice and thoughts!

Shovelheat

on Jan 26, 2006

I remember doing that when I was a kid! My momma took me to the barber and told him to just bur off my head, which he promptly did.

If there's no hair on your head to cut, you can't cut it!

Heh, kinda reminds me of back when we were still a smoking jail i had trouble with the inmates throwing their butts on the floor. I told them to stop doing that and one of 'em said "HA! HOW YA GONNA MAKE US!?" I just smiled and said simple (DUMBASS I wanted to say) I JUST WON'T SELL THEM TO YOU! He cast his eyes at the floor and whimpered "oh."

Sometimes with kids (like inmates- they have A LOT in common I have found!) ya just gotta go with the flow Tex and look for the simple way that's right in front of you. Good luck with the little fella. I was one once and look how I turned out...
Hmm...maybe I shouldn't of said that...

lifehappens

on Jan 27, 2006

When I have to get on to him, he tells me that I "hurt his feelings

oh, that sounds like my son.... Why don't you ask him? What does he think a good punnishment for disobeying mom and cutting his hair and using scissors dangerously....etc etc (anything else you want to throw in there) And then judge his reaction, if he is trying to get over on you, just take the punnishemnt he suggested and up the stakes. (grounded for a week instead of 10 min) But if you talk to him like you respect him, he may surprize you. I have afriend who uses this when she is stumped for punnishment and it gives her good ideas.

My mother would make us write essays. "How hitting my brother will increase the chance of me growing up homeless and alone." "School: not just a place of torture." "Chores: how they can make me a better person" On the plus side? I can really BS now.....

Texas Wahine

on Jan 27, 2006

Shovel:

I remember doing that when I was a kid! My momma took me to the barber and told him to just bur off my head, which he promptly did.

Haha. Haven't heard that word (bur) in a long time! My brother's hair was always cut like that when he was little.

Sometimes with kids (like inmates- they have A LOT in common I have found!) ya just gotta go with the flow Tex and look for the simple way that's right in front of you.

This time it ended up being just a firm talking to...I waited too long to do anything about it, but he knows that three strikes and he's OUT.

Good luck with the little fella. I was one once and look how I turned out...
Hmm...maybe I shouldn't of said that...

Thanks. Hehe. And I think you turned out great!

lifehappens:

Why don't you ask him? What does he think a good punnishment for disobeying mom and cutting his hair and using scissors dangerously....etc etc (anything else you want to throw in there) And then judge his reaction, if he is trying to get over on you, just take the punnishemnt he suggested and up the stakes. (grounded for a week instead of 10 min) But if you talk to him like you respect him, he may surprize you. I have afriend who uses this when she is stumped for punnishment and it gives her good ideas.

Hehe. I DO treat him with respect (I hope it doesn't appear in my blogs that I don't), but I try to avoid treating him as an equal or a co-parent.

My mother would make us write essays. "How hitting my brother will increase the chance of me growing up homeless and alone." "School: not just a place of torture." "Chores: how they can make me a better person" On the plus side? I can really BS now.....

We do that kind of thing, too (mainly with my oldest as my youngest is only beginning to read and write). It makes him spend a fair amount of time thinking about the infraction and it helps build some important skills. Hehe. If he goes too heavy on the BS we make him write it again. Hahhaha.

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