My dress came today. Mailed all the way from Hong Kong.
I excitedly tore open the brown paper bag it came in with my bare hands. The dress was sealed in a clear plastic bag, and I ripped that one open with my teeth, and then I bounded up the stairs to try the dress on.
The dress is beautiful. Very detailed and feminine. It even has little sparkles that manage to dust everything it touches.
I stepped into the dress and pulled the top up over my chest. I started zipping the dress but the zipping stopped abruptly on my upper back. Adrian was home for lunch and I really wanted to show him the dress with it all zipped up and situated. I tried and tried, but couldn't manage to zip it up any further.
I went downstairs with the dress on, but not completely zipped up in the back.
Adrian and Xavier gushed about how pretty it was and how good I looked while I stood there sadly frowning.
I had to ask Adrian to zip the dress up. He moved my hair off my back and began pulling, without much success. He noticed a hook at the top of the back of the dress and pulled hard to meet both sides up so that he could hook it.
It was so humiliating and frustrating. This is supposed to be my dream gown. I'm supposed to feel like a princess in it. I tried hard to suck in, but I can't suck in my back or my chest.
Once the top was hooked, he was able to zip the back up fairly easily. I ran back up stairs and made sure that everything on the dress was sitting in the right place. It's such a beautiful gown, but it's so demoralizing to not have it fit right.
Fortunately, I didn't have any back fat erupting over the top of the back of the dress, but the top part that the gathered bust area doesn't cover is pulled tight and half of my boobs explode out of the top of the gown. There's a loose bit underneath the bust that I have no idea what it's supposed to be filled with. A longer torso, maybe? The flowing bottom of the dress is gorgeous but hangs much flatter than I had expected. Instead of hiding my hips completely, the material skims my hips in a way that draws attention to them.
I don't know what I expected, but I'm just so sick of myself and my body right now.
I cried out of sheer disappointment.
I was hoping for something to make me feel beautiful and special. I wanted a dress that I felt like I looked perfect in.
I mean, I realize that I'm no Gisele or Charlize Theron, but I really thought I would have a great fit. Something that flattered my body. I bought the dress a couple sizes bigger than I normally wear, and the company even took my measurements and altered it to fit me.
I'm not under any illusions that I have some sort of model perfect body, but I was really looking forward to wearing a dress that made me feel beautiful.
Instead I just feel fat.
And unhappy.
What a disappointment.