What Women Want

Published on June 15, 2005 By Texas Wahine In Personal Relationships

A big thank you to Chrissy for the inspiration for this blog.

I won't presume that I speak for all women with this, but I strongly suspect I'm not alone on this, either.

What we want is an intentional act that demonstrates effort and interest.

That's it.

We want you guys to set out to do something for us that requires some sort of effort on your part and that shows that you've paid attention to what we like and who we are.

This is not all that difficult, and it's certainly not mind-reading.

You've spent months or years with us, and if you've haven't picked up on a few things we adore and a few things we hate, then you're not paying attention. At all. I don't think that's too much to ask. I really don't. You may not be "wired that way," but we're not "wired" to shave our business for you, either.

Notice what she likes. Does she like roses? Daisies? Carnations? If you don't know, ask her. Does she play video games? Read religious books? Eat a lot of junk food? Does she like being outside? Is she into jazz? Is she a teacher? A nurse? A Soldier? A clerk? A restaurant manager? A mom? Is she a size 3? A size 6? A size 18? If you don't know, dig into the laundry and take a peak at the label on her jeans.

Know your woman.

It's easy from there. Surprise her with her favorite candy bar and magazine when you get home from work. Take her to a jazz concert if that's what she likes. Buy her a gift certificate for a pedicure or buy a pedicure set and give it to her with a personal note about how hard she works and how she deserves some time to relax and get off her feet. Plan a dinner at her favorite restaurant and then surprise her with a dress in her size that she can wear on the night out. Park her in front of the TV and cook dinner and then give the kids a bath.

These things require effort on your part, yes, but that effort and that show of interest will go soooo far in showing her how special you think she is. You will be rewarded, trust me.

And even if what you buy or plan is completely ugly or everything goes wrong, she (well, any woman worth hanging on to) will still be completely impressed with your devotion and the fact that you sincerely tried. Even if it bombs, it still counts.

We just want you to try.

That's what women want.

Effort + Interest = Happy Woman

Comments (Page 1)

Dr Guy

on Jun 15, 2005

6 pack and naked = happy man.

Seriously, thanks for the tips. i just could not resist the cliche tho. I am a man after all!

Texas Wahine

on Jun 15, 2005

6 pack and naked = happy man.

Hey, it does run both ways.

Seriously, thanks for the tips.

Glad you liked 'em.

i just could not resist the cliche tho. I am a man after all!

Hehe...I thought it was appropriate. A man who is having that same effort and interest put into pleasing him and showing him that he's important and cared about is going to be more inspired to do the same.

MasonM

on Jun 15, 2005

And to think of all the money I wasted on expensive jewelry over the years.

Chaos Manager

on Jun 15, 2005

Hehe. I learned this lesson .... uhm. 1, 2, 3 ... Hang on. I have to take off my shoes to count that high. Ah, yes. 13 years ago. See? I could do it!

Learned it before we were even married. Which is why I still do it from time to time.

Better for my wife is: sneaking home before she gets back from work and doing house work (toys, laundry, dishes from the last 3 or 4 days ...

so that she's surprised.

See, out of the 5 love languages (ask and I can provide more info iffen ya need it), her primary is Acts of Service. So, doing these things strikes her "He loves me! He really loves me!" spot.

Me on the other hand ... a good hug, tickle and cuddle (and yes, the clothes can and do stay on) are all that are needed to show that she still loves me. Especially since I know she's got this thing about physical contact ...

alison watkins

on Jun 15, 2005

This is a great article, tex. I think men, mine included, are all about the easy route. Actually, I am thinking about raising my standard. Yes, chocolate and other things make me happy, but a gift that was truly thought about means so much more.

Moderateman

on Jun 15, 2005

I have behaved and not used the title line..

women want the same thing men want.. love, respect, kindness, comfort and a HUGE, HARD

bouquet of flowers every so often.

NoneSpecial

on Jun 15, 2005

OMG Tex, it's like you're living in my brain!! I just wish that I could somehow sneak a copy of your article under Michael's pillow or something!!

Effort of any kind (that is done with us women in mind) is ALWAYS appreciated! A Catholic friend of mine had this book on "natural family planning" which was so 1950's sexist that it was rediculous. However, it did include a line that read something like, "A woman should always make an extra effort to spruce herself up before her husband comes home from work, and likewise, the man should always come home bearing a gift for his wife, even if it is a small bag of peanuts, to show her that he has thought of her throughout the day". I always laugh about that part, but the sentiment really isn't that bad!!

I'm honored to have inspired such greatness!! hehe

Shovelheat

on Jun 15, 2005

Sigh... afraid my wine, women, and song has turned into beer, TV, and the old lady...

island_gurl12

on Jun 15, 2005

I think every men in the whole world should read this, memorise it and DO it! Darren was real good at that, effort and interest.. Too bad it didnt work out...

MarcieMoo

on Jun 15, 2005

Oh gosh, Tex....AMEN. AMEN.

You're right on. I don't want him to bring me diamonds every night. I want him to actually come home excited to see me and kiss me and hug me because he WANTS to, not because he feels obligated. I want him to take my car to get the oil changed because he knows how much I hate to do it. I want him to plan a day out just ONCE....

*sighs*....

Texas Wahine

on Jun 15, 2005

Mason:

And to think of all the money I wasted on expensive jewelry over the years.

Hey, I never said we didn't like jewelry. Jewelry is like the cherry on top of the effort and interest sundae, hehe.

Chaos Manager:

Learned it before we were even married. Which is why I still do it from time to time.

Good for you!

Better for my wife is: sneaking home before she gets back from work and doing house work (toys, laundry, dishes from the last 3 or 4 days ... so that she's surprised.

That's really beautiful...and it's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about...it's not always money spent or gifts, but rather expressions that show that you are paying attention to her needs and desires. Excellent!

See, out of the 5 love languages (ask and I can provide more info iffen ya need it), her primary is Acts of Service. So, doing these things strikes her "He loves me! He really loves me!" spot.

I've never read the book, but I've seen many people mention it here on JU. I may have to look for it. Thanks.

Me on the other hand ... a good hug, tickle and cuddle (and yes, the clothes can and do stay on) are all that are needed to show that she still loves me. Especially since I know she's got this thing about physical contact ...

Gaahhh! I hate tickling! Hahaha, I always get tickled, and just cause I'm laughing don't mean it's funny!

Seriously, though, it's beautiful to hear that your wife shows the same level of interest and affection that you do. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship.

alison:

This is a great article, tex

Thanks!

I think men, mine included, are all about the easy route. Actually, I am thinking about raising my standard. Yes, chocolate and other things make me happy, but a gift that was truly thought about means so much more.

Exactly! I think that's what many men don't realize. The common things are common for a reason (flowers, chocolates, jewelry)...most women like those things. However, unique expressions that show that they were thinking about what their specific partner likes mean so much.

Moderateman:

women want the same thing men want.. love, respect, kindness, comfort and a HUGE, HARD

bouquet of flowers every so often.

Hhahahaha...yup...nothing like a huge, hard bouquet of flowers to say I was thinking about you all day, hehe.

Chrissy:

OMG Tex, it's like you're living in my brain!! I just wish that I could somehow sneak a copy of your article under Michael's pillow or something!!

I'm glad it's gotten the stamp of approval from some of my fellow women.

Effort of any kind (that is done with us women in mind) is ALWAYS appreciated!

Yup. Somethings are special just because they were difficult or required sacrifice on the part of our partner.

"A woman should always make an extra effort to spruce herself up before her husband comes home from work, and likewise, the man should always come home bearing a gift for his wife, even if it is a small bag of peanuts, to show her that he has thought of her throughout the day". I always laugh about that part, but the sentiment really isn't that bad!!

I don't think it is. Things like that show our partners that we are thinking about them and that we want them to find us attractive (in the case of getting dolled up for our men). Consideration and devotion are beautiful things in a relationship.

I'm honored to have inspired such greatness!! hehe

Awww, thank you!

Shovelheat:

Sigh... afraid my wine, women, and song has turned into beer, TV, and the old lady...

Hehehe...nothing wrong with some beer and TV!

islandgurl:

I think every men in the whole world should read this, memorise it and DO it! Darren was real good at that, effort and interest.. Too bad it didnt work out...

I'm glad you liked it! I'm so sorry that you're going through a rough time with the break up, sweetie, but it seems like you're doing better all the time.

The guy who ends up with you is going to be so very lucky!

Marcie:

Oh gosh, Tex....AMEN. AMEN.

Hahhaa...thanks.

You're right on. I don't want him to bring me diamonds every night. I want him to actually come home excited to see me and kiss me and hug me because he WANTS to, not because he feels obligated. I want him to take my car to get the oil changed because he knows how much I hate to do it. I want him to plan a day out just ONCE....

I LOVE your examples. Very good stuff. That's the kind of thing we want. It's not all roses and Hallmark cards.

dynamaso

on Jun 15, 2005

It is so easy for couples, although I believe it is usually men guilty of (as a man I am qualified to say this) taking my partner for granted. It is not something we do intentionally, I'm sure, but we ALL do it to some degree, no matter how attentive we think we might be. I love my wife a lot but there have been occasions where I've allowed my day to day routines to take over and I forget about letting her know how I feel about having her in my life. Thankfully, my darling doesn't believe in tip-toeing around issues and lets me know exactly how she is feeling. I am often shocked and stunned with my level of 'ignorance' (for the want of a better word).

Thanks for the timely reminder, again. I'm just glad I got it from someone else this time

Cheers,

Maso

Trudygolightly

on Jun 16, 2005

Oh my, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes after reading this...
Ahhhhh.....my former gentleman friend did allllllll of these things, well most anyway and not just to
get me into the bedroom!
He was full of surprises, good ones, and had a great sense of humor too!

My second husband did a couple of the things, well.... 1. he knew I'm a potato chip junkie and
warned me if I gained weight he'd find someone slimmer, and I didn''t gain weight and he
found someone else, several someone else's..... and 2.
he took me out too, to a strip bar frequented by hookers. What I didn't know was that one of the "girls"
that was a regular there was also our babysitter and pg by him.

Anyway your post was awesome and I loved it!

Dr Guy

on Jun 16, 2005

My second husband did a couple of the things, well.... 1. he knew I'm a potato chip junkie and
warned me if I gained weight he'd find someone slimmer, and I didn''t gain weight and he
found someone else, several someone else's..... and 2.
he took me out too, to a strip bar frequented by hookers. What I didn't know was that one of the "girls"
that was a regular there was also our babysitter and pg by him.

Anyway your post was awesome and I loved it!

There are those of us who seek love, and those of us who seek a deer on the mantle.

I only speak for myself. as I found love after 45 years.

I only wish you the same.

lifehappens

on Jun 16, 2005

Better for my wife is: sneaking home before she gets back from work and doing house work (toys, laundry, dishes from the last 3 or 4 days ... so that she's surprised.See, out of the 5 love languages (ask and I can provide more info iffen ya need it), her primary is Acts of Service. So, doing these things strikes her "He loves me! He really loves me!" spot.

That love language book is fantastic. I'm definetely an "acts of service" kinda gal. But surprisingly enough, I didn't peg HW's. So ask your husband/wife WHAT makes them feel happy and loved....you might be surprised.

hmmmm.....hope you don't mind if I take off on this topic later on.....I feel the stirrings of a blog idea.....

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