Published on May 4, 2005 By Texas Wahine In Entertainment
Disclaimer: I don't feel well today, so if this article turns bitchy, please forgive me.

Long-awaited. Much-hyped. New and improved. Whoringly-merchandised.

Yes, it's the final installment of the Star Wars prequel pack.

I live in a house with three men (ok, two of them are under 4 feet tall and wear Power Rangers underwear, but you get what I mean). They are all about this movie. We've braved the hordes of dorks in capes and red and black make-up to see the midnight showings of the other two prequels. We've beat the video games. We've bought the DVDs. We've played Jedi battle with empty paper towel rolls. We've even bought the Jar Jar Binks beanie dolls. We've done everything George Lucas has asked of us.

Last week we made a trip to the bowels of hell (also known as Wal-Mart) to develop some photos and pick up some time-killers (also known as books and GBA games) for Adrian's stint in the wilderness. While in hell, we perused a large...LARGE...selection of Star Wars Episode III toys.

Star Wars action figures. Darth Vader voice changer. Star Wars legos. Realistic Star Wars light sabers. Economy-style Star Wars light sabers. Call Upon Yoda Interactive Jedi Master. Tiny, chunky Hasbro Star Wars Heroes.

I've seen Star Wars cereal. M&Ms. Light and Dark side color-changing Cheetos.

We bought the boys both a light saber (economy...hey, the other ones were $30!) and a Darth Vader mask. They're stocked up on Star Wars-themed snack items. I've broken up no less than 5 light saber fights that started out amicably but ended in brutality. Every person in our family has been forced to wear a Darth Vader mask at least once. I have been asked incessantly whether I want to be on the dark side or the light side. In fact, the boys have taken to wearing their old Star Wars skivvies as often as possible.

So, what are the marketers thinking when they load 4 and 7 year olds up with Star Wars-themed chocolate and Cheetos and allow them to build little Legos Episode III scenarios and jab each other with glowing Jedi sabers only to tell them later, "Sorry kids, this movie's for grown-ups"?

WTF?

I understand that Lucas has a story to tell. I understand that Star Wars fanatics are craving something edgier and more on-par with modern sci-fi movies. And the director and the actors and all the fans can say it's a movie for adults all they want, but how do they reconcile that with the blatantly child-oriented merchandising? Cotton candy cigarettes, anyone?

My children don't know yet that the movie is too gruesome and gory for them to watch. They have been looking forward to going to see the movie with their daddy, armed with their latest Star Wars gear, for some time now.

They will be devastated.

It's almost to the point where Adrian and I say "screw it" and take them anyways and cover their eyes when the dead bodies of slain Jedi children cover the screen.

It's completely unethical to market the movie the way they have (particularly considering that the previous films have been family-friendly, if intense) when they knew that the movie's contents would earn a PG-13 (parents strongly cautioned, some material could be inappropriate for children under 13) rating.

In the words of Ron Burgundy, this is bushleague! Bushleague!

Comments (Page 3)
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on May 05, 2005
people ARE aware that this is fiction, right?

I'm seeing pictures of nerds standing in line for weeks and links to in depth articles about how lightsabers work. Lucas has never been very strong on the science front -- Star Wars would better be called 'fantasy' than 'science fiction.'

The Star Wars nerd fest turns me off these movies more and more with each nerd-con with Anthony Daniels walking about in a designer suit made of gold fabric and David Prowse signing autographs alongside the guy who played the hammerhead alien in the cantina (they're called Ithorians, I googled it).

These are decent stories, nice space versions of Kurosawa samurai movies, but a lot of Star Wars fans need to realize that while their little story might have been tops in the fantasy world for a few days in the 80s, the genre has come a long way in the subsequent years. Harry Potter makes Star Wars look like something a couple of 4 year olds thought up, and Neil Gaiman's work is perhaps the best fantasy yet written (and yes, I include J.R.R. Tolkien in this category). Tolkien and George Lucas are perhaps the fantasy genre's most overrated personalities -- c'mon, NONE of you can tell me that reading (or watching if you are lazy) about Sam and Frodo in Mordor was good fiction. Just like we all should admit that Harrison Ford is perhaps the most boring 'big name' actor ever to hear a director say 'ACTION.'

Just please, no more scenes of Yoda and Sam Jackson sitting around in the dark saying nonsense like 'the dark side has clouded our vision blah blah blah.' And no more Hana-Barbera style gay-ass cartoons like 'Clone Wars.' Seeing that garbage really ruined my appetite for this new movie -- that had to be some of the WORST animation ever. Disney war propaganda films from the 40s had better animation. 'He Man and the Masters of the Universe' had better animation.

And what's with this guy's names? 'General Grievous.' 'Darth Maul.' I keep expecting George to get even more obvious and just have a guy come out whose name is 'Mr. Bad Guy.'

The worst thing about George is that he's lost sight of the films that inspired him to make his original trilogy and instead surrounded himself with yes men who are too pussy to tell him "Um, that Steppinfetchit Jar Jar Binks is pretty gay." He's sold his soul for technology, trading bells and whistles for actual CONTENT. "Ooooh look, we can make computer rain now." Yeah but you made the rain on a planet named after a 70s CAR-TRUCK HYBRID. Not to mention you had Greedo shoot first in 'A New Hope.' I mean, can you wuss up these movies any furthur?

God, I hope there ARE burning Jedi children in this one. I hope Palpatine comes on like the worst thing since Vlad the fucking Impaler. But I think if any of you let your kids see "Bored of the Rings" then "Star Wars" is gonna be safe.

At least "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" comes out in July and "Goblet of Fire" comes out in November. Otherwise I might have to conclude that fantasy is dead.

Sorry for the long post, Bran, I'm just excited to be able to say something
on May 05, 2005
At least "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" comes out in July and "Goblet of Fire" comes out in November. Otherwise I might have to conclude that fantasy is dead.


This from the guy who didn't like Harry Potter at first... hahaha

We've only seen one of the Harry Potter movies, but I can understand parents being upset with something questionable in one of those movies particularly, as they are children's movies.


But that's just it! They aren't kids books. You are supposed to be about Harry's age when you read the book, but they want kids to see the movies, so they dumb them down. I don't care if JK liked the third movie the best, I think they injured, not butchered, some of the best/most important parts.

And now, back to Star Wars. (Jeez... I can turn anything into HP. LotR is next)
on May 05, 2005
a foreshadowing of things to come:

Police said the incident began about 4:15 p.m. with a call from a nearby Kmart reporting that a man had cut his wrist with a butcher knife behind the store.

Responding officers fired a Taser stun gun and beanbags at him, said Officer Jesse Jurado, a spokesman for the Corona Police Department.

But the man took off across nearby Main Street and tried to carjack several vehicles by opening their doors while they were stopped at a signal.

He was carrying a knife "the size of a ruler," said Billy Gipson, 39, who had been waiting for the light to change.

After watching the man run across the cinema's parking lot and into the theater, Gipson said, he saw an officer enter the building with his gun drawn, followed by streams of people coming out. "A lady came running out and said she heard a 'pop-pop-pop,' " Gipson said. "She said, 'Oh my God, they shot him


i'm only speculating but if his mom hadnt confiscated his lightsabre...
on May 06, 2005
at kingbee!!!
on May 06, 2005
Dr Guy wrote:
What is showgirls? And if you are asking me would I object to something being sold like a lollipop to children that I deemed inappropriate, again I say no. I would not let them have one (and indeed I have done that already with other issues), but I would not dictate to all parents how they raise their chilldren.


"Showgirls" was (I believe) the first movie rated NC-17. It's a movie about strippers.

So you would have no problem with the producers of "Showgirls" marketing "Showgirls(tm) Lollipops" and "Showgirls(tm) Feather Boas" to the 9-12 year old female market? Your sole response would be "Well, I won't let my girl(s) buy them." In spite of the ads that the Showgirls producers bombard the 9-12 year olds with?
on May 06, 2005

So you would have no problem with the producers of "Showgirls" marketing "Showgirls(tm) Lollipops" and "Showgirls(tm) Feather Boas" to the 9-12 year old female market? Your sole response would be "Well, I won't let my girl(s) buy them." In spite of the ads that the Showgirls producers bombard the 9-12 year olds with?

Yep.   Why should I dictate to you how to raise your children?  perhaps you want them to be exposed to that stuff at that age.  That would not be my decision, but then if I objected to that, I would be imposing my beliefs on you.  Are you saying I should impose them?

on May 06, 2005
I think what's being said is if you don't expect little kids to be able to watch the movie, then you shouldn't advertise to them. Kinda like cigs, they can't smoke 'em, so why aim comercials at them?
on May 09, 2005
Give into your hate Brandie...
on May 10, 2005
don't hold your breath yet, but it's possible some VERY important people are reputedly close to almost on the verge of being ready to greenlight my 'genesis -1: the beginning before in the beginning' project. while i can't at this time absolutely positively say there wont be objectional materials (reportedly god used adult language at several junctures during the precreation process stress thing--and we're really committed to authenticity no matter who gets hurt), but an epic like this takes time so when hits the big screen, your kids will be old enuff to handle it.


this has to be the funniest comment ever ignored on ju.

props to you.
tbt
on May 10, 2005
Ric's made a lot of comments like that hehe

I wonder if the story about Lot and his daughters is appropriate for children...that's an NC-17 waiting to happen...
on May 11, 2005
Yep. Why should I dictate to you how to raise your children? perhaps you want them to be exposed to that stuff at that age. That would not be my decision, but then if I objected to that, I would be imposing my beliefs on you. Are you saying I should impose them?


Very well. Let's carry your argument to its logical conclusion.

NAMBLA (the North American Man-Boy Love Association, a real organization whose primary goal is to legalize male homosexual pedophilia) should be allowed to open a chapter in the local elementary school, complete with a back room for quick, easy sodomizing. Further, they should be allowed to broadcast over the school PA system, enticing children to their room with promises of treats and candy. Because after all, someone might want their kids to be exposed to that stuff at that age, and who am I to impose my belief that it's inappropriate on them? I can merely instruct my children to avoid that room, and not listen to the announcements. The same consideration should also be extended to your local KKK chapter, various other white supremacy groups, the Heroin User's Group, and anyone else who cares to set up shop.

Sound reasonable?

In fact your argument is completely backward. By allowing NAMBLA or the "Showgirls" marketing agency or other "adult-content" providers to place their ads and information wherever they choose, you are REMOVING my ability to choose what is appropriate for my children to see or otherwise be exposed to. If I want them to be exposed to that, I can affirmatively seek it out and show it to them. If I do not want them to be exposed to it, my sole recourse should not be to lock them in their rooms until they turn 18.
on May 12, 2005

To Texas Wahine, and others on this forum:

I am a journalist with a national newspaper and I would like to make e-mail contact with anyone on this forum in regard to the issues that Texas Wahine raises in her posting about the marketing through merchandise such as cereal, etc., of a PG-13 movie with scenes that some might find disturbing for young kids.

Please contact me ASAP at john.lippman@wsj.com. Thank you.
on May 14, 2005
Really good point here. Marketing should be for the intended audience. However...

To me there's nothing "deceitful" about George Lucas. From the very beginning of the whole Star Wars craze, he has made it clear that it isn't about the movies, it's about the marketing.


George Lucas wants to make money. His focus isn't on making a well-written movie....I think he jsut wants something flashy that will get him more money. He likes playing witht he special effect more than the script.

on May 22, 2006
In retro-spect.... it wasn't that bad. I have seen worse on CSI.
on May 22, 2006
In retro-spect.... it wasn't that bad. I have seen worse on CSI.


A little late to the party, aren't ya?
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