Putting the Smack Down on my Children

07-08 School Year Contract

Published on July 30, 2007 By Texas Wahine In Parenting

School starts back up for my boys on Wednesday, and I am determined to not make the same mistakes I did last school year. I want to be more consistent with my expectations of my children, more involved in their education, and more structured so that they succeed. I feel that I have passed some lazy habits and attitudes toward school to my children, and I want to correct that while they are still young.

It's not that I have not tried to encourage them or be involved or set boundaries previously. It's more that I lack the personal discipline to provide consistent structure and consistent expectations for them. With that in mind, I have written a rough draft contract for them (and me) to follow. I plan to make a contract for me as well so they can see that I have responsibilities they can expect from me as well.

2007-2008 School Year Contract

I will brush my teeth 2x a day: in the morning before school and before I go to bed.
I will shower ( ) or bathe daily ( ) during the week and a minimum of 1x on the weekends. I will bathe in the morning ( ) or evening ( ).
I will go to bed on time. My weeknight bedtime will be 8:45 pm. My weekend bedtime will be ________ .
I will wake up on time. My weekday wake up time will be 6:30 am.
I will prepare my backpack and clothing (including shoes) before I go to bed at night so I am not rushing around in the morning.
I will be responsible for my homework. It will be completed within 2 hours of the end of the school day.
I will be responsible for my education. I will pay attention during class and work hard to demonstrate to myself, my parents, and my teachers that I am both intelligent and interested in being the best I can be.
I will put away my supplies when my homework is completed.
I will behave in class and during lunch and recess because I am a person of value and want to demonstrate my value, discipline, and pleasant personality to myself and others.
I will spend 30 minutes reading each school day and 30 minutes reading during the weekend (or every other day during extended school breaks). I will read before I play on school days.
I will study before each test. If I need help studying I will ask my brother or a parent.
I will be responsible for making sure my yellow Wednesday folder, tests, permission slips, and other items and signed and turned in to my teacher.

Rewards:

Each day where all the above rules have been followed you may choose a trading card from the brown bag.
Each week where all the above rules have been followed, on Friday you may choose: a) board game night,

movie night (you pick the movie), c) a moderately priced family activity like bowling, a trip to the park, or Fun Factory or d) $5.
Great test results will be rewarded with: $1 (A or perfect score), 75 cents (B or less than 10% missed).
Lion Loot, a great note from teacher or staff, or a special comment on your behavior or academic performance will be rewarded with a) family board game,

family video game session, or c) $1.

Consequences:

Each day where the above rules have been broken, you will lose your privilege to watch TV and play video games until the next day.
If you receive a TCN or an office visit, you will lose TV and video game privileges for 1 week and will write a sincere letter of apology to every person you may have offended with your behavior/bad choices.
If you fail to complete a homework or school work assignment, or if you perform poorly on a test, you will lose TV and video game privileges for 3 days. You will also be responsible for completing and/or correcting the work/test.

So, what do you guys think? Is this useful? Are there changes I need to make? Ideas?

Comments

amandapearl2

on Jul 30, 2007

These sound good, but good luck sticking with it lol. Just kidding. But there is one thing that sounds harsh.

if you perform poorly on a test, you will lose TV and video game privileges for 3 days. You will also be responsible for completing and/or correcting the work/test.

There are some things that no matter how much studying you do you just suck at. (vector mechanics is one for me). I think if he studies a lot and tries hard and then maybe if you go over what he did wrong he shouldn't be punished, because he did do his best.

amandapearl2

on Jul 30, 2007

That punishment is adequate if he doesn't do his homework, gotta do that every day!

amandapearl2

on Jul 30, 2007

ahh double post!

Texas Wahine

on Jul 30, 2007

Hehe, seems harsh but my kids are little (10 and almost 7) so the subject matter is not too intense. And my boys are really bright, so if they study and apply themselves they should not perform "poorly".

Of course I should probably outline what "poorly" means.

Thanks for your input! That is really helpful.

Locamama

on Jul 30, 2007

This sounds like a great plan. I have the best intentions in the world but it's the follow through. I think you did a great job of explaining what behavior is expected and what the consequences are. You should plan a fun reward for you and the boys if you stick with it for three weeks. They say that is how long it takes to establish a new habit. We still have a month of summer here. I want to start reading with Brody and getting him to practice his writing. He does great in math but really needs extra help with reading and writing.

pseudosoldier

on Jul 30, 2007

I think it can be useful, as it outlines things pretty clearly and you go into a fair amount of detail of why you want them to behave a certain way. Have you gotten their input on it yet? The rewards, particularly, I would see as negotiable at this point (is that why the weekend bedtime is blank, currently?).

I also noted the lack of definition on "doing poorly on a test." Maybe you will make this case-by-case like Amanda suggested.

There's a typo in the last bullet under responsibilities. "...for making sure my yellow Wednesday folder, tests, permission slips, and other items and signed..." should be "are signed" I think.

I think that structure can mean a lot to a kid, to let them know what is and isn't acceptable, and prepare them to be a responsible adult. Good job! Wish I had the fortitude (and time) to attempt something like this.

Toblerone

on Jul 30, 2007

if you perform poorly on a test, you will lose TV and video game privileges for 3 days. You will also be responsible for completing and/or correcting the work/test.There are some things that no matter how much studying you do you just suck at. (vector mechanics is one for me). I think if he studies a lot and tries hard and then maybe if you go over what he did wrong he shouldn't be punished, because he did do his best.

I agree with Amanda on this one. My dad was punished for doing poorly on tests (albeit more severely) and all it achieved was it caused him to have a panic attack and fail miserably even if he could do the same problems in class or for homework. I think you should use the carrot rather than the stick for this one.

Moderateman

on Jul 30, 2007

Sounds like a plan tex, just remember plans can be modified time to time to fit circumstances.

After all they are kids and the truth is they ARE ALL BOY! the two of them. If you need one I can send a cat-o nine tail,s my special one with fishhooks embedded on the ends.

straniera

on Jul 30, 2007

Awesome idea! I think using contracts with kids is a great way to help teach them responsibility. It is much easier to enforce when you have it in writing and they agreed to it. It teaches to honesty and sticking by what they say (is that the same as responsibility)?

I also love how you included explanations of why the behavior was important. You might consider starting out by asking them what things they think are important and are their responsibility. This will give you great insight into where they already are and then you can guide them toward where you want them to be.

In regard to the rewards I would suggest a slightly different twist. Toward the end of last year the kids in my class room started to get seriously out of control. I knew I wouldn't survive the last few weeks if we kept going like that. So one day we had a serious reality check. Basically we talked about what I called "The Circle of Trust." People inside the circle of trust can be trusted with privileges such as reading off the "special collections" shelf or taking notes to the office or feeding the class pet. Students who had shown by their behavior that they could not be trusted did not get such privileges. I actually went so far as to make them each little circles so they had an in hand reminder of whether they were in or out of "The Circle". I also provided them lots of chances for redemption. The moment of assessment was at each break (lunch/recess/PE). If they were outside the circle of trust at that point, they lost their privileges only until the next break time (providing they earned it back in that time). Anyway, an amazing thing happened. Every kid wanted to be in the circle of trust! They worked SOOO hard to get there and stay there. That was the best morning of learning we had in a long time. One little boy, who I had been struggling with all year, still tried to act out, but instead of dragging everyone down with him as he usually did, they ignored him and through passive resistance he was drawn toward doing good! It was one of the best moments of the entire year.

ANYWAY. I say all that not to say to change necessarily the specific rewards or consequences you have outlined, but just to suggest a frame work to put it in. That way the child understands that it isn't just about mommy being mean, but about direct results of my behavior. If I do not complete my homework, I cannot be trusted to do it on my own when asked, therefore I lose the chance to do the fun thing I wanted to do. Does that make sense?

I also like that you aren't just "punishing" them for poor school performance but requiring them to rework the material so they actually learn it. The others are right, you have to be careful in the area of punishing for poor performance so as not to create anxiety. However, only you really know you kids and what they are capable of. And "poor" may mean one thing for one kid and something different for another.

Ok, enough. I'm done. For now...

Texas Wahine

on Jul 30, 2007

Loca: I love the 3 week idea. I'm going to use that!

Consistency is soooo hard for me. I am not a very disciplined person myself so it is a struggle!

pseudo: I have not run it by them yet, but I do plan to...I usually try to do that with rules and schedules and stuff because it seems like they are more interested in sticking to it if they had a part in creating it.

You should see the Family Rules they helped me come up with. Hilarious! Haha.

I did notice that typo and I will fix it before I print. Probably won't fix it here on JU, hope no one minds.

Thanks for your input. I definitely value your opinion/suggestions!

Toblerone: I don't want anyone to think I am going to be mean to them. I have yet to see either one of them do poorly on a test, and that's with Xavier hardly ever studying, so I really mean this one more as a punishment for not applying themselves.

I can tweak the contract to reflect that. Any ideas on wording?

MM: Haha. I am extraordinarily adaptable. What I need is less flex and more structure. But I won't blindly stick to something that's not working.

LOL, the fish hooks sound brutal!

straniera: I like the circle of trust idea and I think I will use it. What did you use to make your circles? Also, did you watch Meet the Parents? Hahahaha.

Thanks for your input. That was really helpful! It's especially nice to get feedback from a teacher. Thanks!

KFC Kickin For Christ

on Jul 30, 2007

This brought back memories. I had three boys who were (at your kids ages) 10,9,7 and seems like yesterday. So I too tried all sorts of reward/punishment tactics to keep them on track. Never did a contract tho. I found it hard to keep one thing going, having to try diff things along the way to keep it all fresh.

What worked for us for a long time was a goody basket on top of the fridge. For every A or good note from a teacher they had a chance to pick something out of this basket. I would put in baseball card packs, gum, candy bars, fancy pens, small toys, ice cream cone certificates, etc. Whatever I knew would float their boat, I'd stick in. Sometimes one boy would see a particular toy in there he wanted as his brother got to pick and would try hard to get that toy in the next day or two.

They would literally run thru the door with their A papers and a chance to pick out of the basket. I kept the supplies in this basket fresh so they never knew what new toy or treat would be in there. Everytime I went out I'd keep on the lookout for stuff to put in.

For punishments, since it was a big thing at our house for dessert after dinner I used that as leverage. So if one had a bad note or grade they would not have dessert or have to miss a favorite TV program which was also big for them. Or if really bad they'd get grounded for a week or so from Nintendo or TV.

As far as brushing teeth at night that was easy. We read together every night. They loved it. They had to have pj's on and teeth brushed before we sat down to read. Their bedtime was 8 so at about 7:15 or so I'd announce the time and by picking out chapter books they loved and looking at the time they'd actually rush to get this done so they could get in extra chapters read. They always wanted to know what the next chapter would bring and I might mention that as the time drew near for incentive.

It's so individual tho since families are all so different, but I agree structure is so important. The kids need these borders to know exactly what is expected of them.

Good luck.

straniera

on Jul 31, 2007

I like little-whip's ideas too because they involve natural consequence.

foreverserenity

on Aug 14, 2007

I missed this when you first posted it Tex, I think it's a great idea. As a mom I try to do my own thing as well. The only problem is getting results sometimes. I also take things away. And as Whip suggested, late going to bed, even earlier the next day. The thing too is sticking to what you said, i.e., keeping your end of the bargain and not giving in to the puppy dog looks or whining!

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