Yep, I ruined it. I've managed to cast a shadow over many different holidays and special occasions throughout the years. It's never intentional, but somehow it snowballs into something ugly and leaves me wishing for a "do over".
It started over a week ago.
I noticed a charge on our statement from the engraving place on post for about $13. This place also sells watches, but not for $13. I ASSUMED (ah, big mistake there, huh?) that Adrian was having something engraved for me for Valentines Day. What a sweet, thoughtful gift. A little message engraved on something. Awww.
So I started being careful...I didn't want to stumble onto my gift, which I was certain was hidden somewhere in the house. I stayed out of the garage closet. I didn't rummage through the console in the car. Nope. I was a good girl. I *knew* it was around somewhere, and I made a conscious effort not to find it.
A few days ago we were chatting while eating at Burger King and the conversation turned to Valentines Day. Adrian asked me if I wanted to go out to eat for Valentines. I told him I'd rather not since all the restaurants would be so crowded. I suggested a "slumber party" with blankets and pillows on the floor, movies and board games, some popcorn and snacks. He thought that sounded good, and we agreed on it.
I asked him if he'd bought me anything for Valentines. He said, "You don't need to worry about that." He seemed very sly and it was obvious that he was concealing the fact that he had bought me a sweet, engraved something-or-other and was trying to keep me thinking that he hadn't bought anything for me. A fake out to add to the surprise.
Cut to yesterday. I hadn't had time to shop alone, so I decided to pick something up for him after I got my hair cut. Obviously, I had to give him something since he had bought me a terrific gift...and planned it out weeks ahead of time! I picked up a book and a box of Valentines Snickers (his favorite). The Snickers box was white and meant to be decorated. How great! I picked up a simple, honest card for him...not too wordy or mushy...just right. I even got a shiny red bag (with shimmering hearts) to put it all in.
Perfect!
When the boys got home from school Adrian went across the street to pick up the mail. While he was out I got the boys to start decorating and coloring the Snickers box. Adrian came back in and asked where the boys were...I said they were upstairs cleaning up (little white lie). Several minutes later they came running back downstairs with their artwork. They gave it to me discreetly so that Adrian didn't see it.
Then Orian waltzed over to me, picked up the empty box lid and took to his daddy and proclaimed, "Happy Valentine's Day, Daddy!!!" Geez. He is the worst about ruining surprises. He did the same thing on my birthday. Before I opened my gifts, he hollered, "We got you Nintendogs!"
Adrian looked at me, puzzled. Exasperated, I asked, "Do you want to go ahead and exchange Valentine's gifts now?"
"I thought we were going to have a movie day."
"Huh? Yeah, yeah, I want to do that. But since you already know about your gift, do you want to go ahead and give them now?"
"Brandie, I didn't buy you anything yet. I thought we were going to do the movie day."
"..."
I was feeling sad and confused by this point. I mean, I didn't need anything, but I had this idea in my head of some keychain or necklace or something...in sterling silver...with a meaningful message inscribed on it. I just KNEW that was what I was getting. I just KNEW it.
He started to get up and said, "I'm going to go to the store and get some sodas. I'll be back in a few minutes."
He grabbed the keys and slipped his wallet into his pocket. Then I said something stupid. So, so, so, so stupid.
"I feel like Marge Simpson."
"What?"
"You know, like on the Christmas episode where Homer says he's going to go get her gift and then you hear him leaving and the tires squealing in the background?"
I meant it as kind of a funny remark. It was the wrong thing to say, though. He looked at me, a touch angry, and a bit crestfallen. I had really hurt his feelings. Gah, sometimes I just blurt out stupid things.
I stammered and tried to explain my intent (being funny...obviously it wasn't). He says, "Ok, whatever. I've got to go. I'll be back."
"No...don't go. Don't worry about it. I don't need anything."
"You bought me a gift. I have to get you something. I don't want you to get mad at me later and say I didn't get you anything for Valentines."
Ouch. He was going to buy me a gift so that I wouldn't have something to use as ammo in some future argument. Ouch. Not only is that NOT romantic...it made me feel like the worst wife in the world.
"No, no, no," I said. "I don't want you get anything for me. It's just that..."
"Just that what?"
"Well...I thought you already HAD something for me."
"But we said we were going to do the movie day thing."
"I know, I know...but I thought you bought me something...I saw our statement...and...the engraving shop...and...I...thought..." I trailed off.
He sighed.
"Brandie, that was for a plaque for Sgt. D. I was busy that day and didn't think to mention it."
Stupid, stupid, stupid. I got all giddy and excited and built something up in my head that never existed. Sgt. D recently separated from the military, and of course they gave him a plaque. Duh. That's what engravers do. Engrave things like PLAQUES. So stupid.
I sheepishly apologized and pleaded with him again to not bother getting anything. "I don't need anything. You're just going to buy some token commercial gift to placate me, and it will be something I don't need. It's a waste of money. Let's have our movie day. I don't need anything, baby."
"I'm going to get you something. I've been getting a lot of stuff, and you deserve to have something."
"I got a DS."
"Yeah, and the XBOX is several times more expensive than that. It's not fair to you."
"Adrian, I don't need anything. I have everything I want. Besides...what percentage of our income do I contribute?"
"No, no, that's not right. Look, I'm going to go pick up some sodas. Do you need anything?"
And he went. He came back with sodas and a bouquet of flowers and a box of my favorite chocolates. Of course, he buys me flowers and candy all the time, so this felt kind of normal. Which is good...I think I would have felt even worse if he'd bought something specifically "Valentines".
He opened his gift, and was happy with his book and the candy. He liked the card, but immediately felt bad because he hadn't bought one for me. But as the night went on, things got better. I still feel like crap for ruining Valentines, but he seems to be over his hurt feelings (unless he's secretly stewing over it).
For some reason when there's a day that's being anticipated, I find a way to screw it up. And then we spend most of the day salvaging it. I've done this by stressing out over Thanksgivings...by being disappointed when the kids weren't as happy with their gifts or party or activities or whatever as I hoped they'd be (we gave them Valentines gift bags last weekend, though, and they WERE happy with those)...by setting my expectations way too high so that I always feel let down...which everyone else picks up on and it screws the day up.
Maybe THIS is why everyone hates Valentines.