Disclaimer: I am making broad, sweeping generalizations about wealthy people (yeah, mostly women) in this article. Not all wealthy people live or act this way.
In general, I think great wealth is a burden. That's right...I don't crave to be rich. Here's why:
1. Your 2 grand hoity toity pure bred dog's dumps aren't any less stinky or easier to pick up than the ungodly ones my $150 mutt makes. Same poop, better price.
2. I don't have to have an expensive new toy in order to have a reason to speak to my family members or neighbors. Add to that the fact that I can speak with my neighbors while both they and I are wearing pajama bottoms and a t-shirt without a bra instead of squeezing ourselves into something uncomfortable with an impressive label on it, and I think we poor folk are getting the better deal.
3. When we have a choice between time or money, we always choose time. And our children will remember this.
4. Your watch has diamonds and an insurance policy. Mine has...the Power Puff Girls!
5. Wine tastes disgusting (much like what I imagine dirty feet would taste like)...beer, not so much.
6. We blow $300 per kid on Christmas presents that they will break and forget about within the week. You blow a couple grand or more per kid on Christmas presents that they will break and forget about within the week.
7. If I lose my sunglasses, I pull out a ten and buy a new pair. You get yelled at by your husband for not taking care of such a valuable item and if you're lucky, you get a new pair. If not, squint and get botox.
8. While your fake boobs may actually save your life in the event of a freak swordfish accident, my boobs don't have to be replaced every 5 years or 3,000 miles.
9. A pair of $30 jeans, a $5 tank top, and $2.50 rubber slippahs from Old Navy are awesome, nice, new clothes to me. Ah, the satisfaction. You couldn't buy yourself a pair of panties for that price.
10. If I need to do...umm...personal grooming...I can do it by myself in the privacy of my home with a bottle of fruity scented cream. You have to pay big bucks to have your most sensitive areas brutally de-fuzzed by a sadistic Korean lady with mis-matched eyebrows.
11. I can completely redecorate my bedroom with $100 and an hour and a half. You have to move out of your room and step around construction odds and ends for a week in order to spice up your love nest.
12. I've never paid for 20 kids to whine and get sunburned at a crowded amusement park for a birthday party. Some paper hats, some theme stickers, and a slice of ice cream cake is all it takes to wow my party guests.
13. You eat what I step on in the morning while taking the kids to school. While you suck down your escargot, I'll be plenty happy with my TGIFridays mozzarella sticks. I've never squished one of those on the sidewalk.
14. Your kids wear lame, crispy, navy and white uniforms to school day in and day out. Mine wore flip-flops, a pair of shorts a friend left at our house (after 2 weeks, it's yours), and a t-shirt with a sea turtle on it. Guess which one had a better time playing Ninja Restaurant on the playground?
15. When you add real cheddar cheese, Spongebob macaroni box mix is really delicious. But you'll never know that.