So Your 7 Year Old's a Tramp . . .

Published on November 9, 2004 By Texas Wahine In Home & Family

I don't have a daughter. Evidently God feels I am the sort of mom who needs only rowdy, grimy little boys. No matter what anyone tries to tell you, boys and girls are inherently different. Give boys dolls and they will tear off the arms and use them as guns. This is just the way it is. Give little girls GI Joes, and suddenly Barbie has a new love interest (shhh . . . don't tell Ken!). This is just the way it is.

Some things can't be helped, but some things can. Your second grader does not have to be a slut! This is not just the way it is! There is hope!

Here, from a mom that has never raised a daughter (HA HA!), are some tips for keeping your child from turning into a smoldering pile of 13 year old jail bait!

1. Bikinis are for babies and big girls. Babies can wear frilly little polka dot bikinis and be absolutely precious, but there is a point where the bikini just becomes wrong.

Try this easy rule -- once the baby pot-belly is gone, so is the two piece! Never again do I want to see a 10 year old working it in a string bikini . . . NEVER. Just don't do it, parents.

On the other end of the spectrum, try this other easy bikini rule -- allow her to have a bikini when you put her on birth control . . . not old enough for BC? you don't plan on providing her with contraception? No problem . . . no bikini! Simple, see?

2. Children should NOT wear kneehigh boots. Kaitlyn can't run on the playground in tight, sweaty leather boots. She can't. I promise. I don't care if Julie has a pair. I'm not Julie's mom. The answer is no, and that's final.

If your husband drools when you wear a certain item, that's a good sign that it's something you should never, never dress your kid in. Ever.

3. Midriff baring tops. No. No. No. No. I'm sure your 12 year old has fabulous abs. I'll bet she has a nice belly button, too. We cannot live vicariously through our children, moms. Just because we can no longer pull off those sexy short tops does not mean our children should! Yucky!

4. Miniskirts, and particularly school-girl style miniskirts (and with knee high stockings!) are also bad for your child's non-slutty karma. You know what this type of outfit tells your 9 year old daughter? I'm like Britney Spears. I'm hot. I want to marry someone else's man and then pimp out a new fragrance for $50 a bottle. That's not what you want, is it?

5. Whenever your 3rd grader daughter shows the neighbors her school photos and exclaims, "Look how sexy I look. *giggles* Don't I look sexy in these pictures?" or when the boys in her class are talking about bending her over a desk and taking advantage of her, you have a problem. A big one.

I suggest you stop dressing her like a tramp, stop laughing when she dances like Christina Aguilera, and have daddy put those Girls Gone Wild DVDs up somewhere where the kids can't see them.

Look, there's plenty of time for your daughter to be a slut in college. Let's drop the sexy dancing, the miniskirts and sexy boots for now, and let her go play outside in a pair of shorts (I didn't say Daisy Dukes, either!) and Carebears T-shirt.

Oh, and . . . Brats and Diva Stars are part of the problem, too . . . let her brother tear their heads off and bury their bodies in the backyard, and then never buy anymore ever again.

Comments (Page 3)

Dr Guy

on Nov 09, 2004

Texas, you have a hit on your hands! And it is great.

But there is the dark side, and I guess we all know it. Trina_p said it, and I have a cousin that is living it. She was the first girl born in 2 generations on my aunts side, and she is a JBR. It breaks my heart to see all the pagents and stuff she is subjected to (and she is but 3 now).

My cousin is not evil, but what he is doing I think is. Thank you for this thread. Maybe we can avoid some of the JBR and others who would live through their children.

let children be children. Let Innocence Live!

sunwukong

on Nov 09, 2004

let children be children. Let Innocence Live!

I agree -- one of the freakiest things I've ever seen was a "high maintenance" mom coaching her over-made up daughter (probably under 10) about the up-coming trials at some beauty pagent. I've heard hockey coaches use about the same language but with less pressure ...

Texas Wahine

on Nov 09, 2004

Nadeon:

Hey TW great article!

Thanks.

My 20 year old pointed something out to me once while at his brothers club one night. I had made the off hand remark that a lot of the girls coming in looked as if they were trolling for pickups. He said, "Dad most of them wear similar clothes, but it's more the style these days. But watch the ones with the tatoos on their lower backs!" and gave me his typical sly grin.

I don't know if you watch SNL, but they have a spoof commercial about all these women getting tattoos on their lower backs and what they will look like later in life. Very funny. That's an interesting thought.

Thanks for your comments.

Dr.Guy:

How sad. Truly.

let children be children. Let Innocence Live!

Most definitely. What a terrific comment.

sunwukong:

That kind of thing just makes me cringe. In addition to all the stress and not being allowed to just be a kid, these girls are being taught a powerful lesson about what makes them valuable -- unfortunately they are learning that appearance and sex appeal are what give them value. And they're learning these things at such a young age! So sad.

alison watkins

on Nov 09, 2004

Texas you are my new hero!! love the article. I teach middle school and you should see some of the clothes these kids wear!

Texas Wahine

on Nov 09, 2004

alison:

Texas you are my new hero!! love the article.

he he he . . . I'm glad you liked it.

I teach middle school and you should see some of the clothes these kids wear!

I'm sure middle schoolers are really bad about it because they want so badly to be older. Thanks for your comment, alison!

LeapingLizard

on Nov 09, 2004

TW,
I agree with you for the most part. I see shirts all the time in school that have logos on them that reinforce gender stereotypes. I think each child is born different, boys and girls, along a continuum of sexual behavior. Some boys end up more stereotypically feminine and some girls end up stereotypically masculine.

As a society, we all influence children around us and a lot of it comes from the focus that parents have in the home. Parents, especially mothers, who date/remarry/have relations when their children are still living at hime tend to have more sexual children. It's also been proven that when a an unrelated male (stepfather figure) lives with a young female (upper elementary/middle school age) that puberty is rushed along. Those children (early developers) tend to be more permiscuous (sp? no idea) earlier in their lives.

One thing I wanted to point out is that 'sexy' clothes don't cause slutty girls. It is not a causal relatioship. The two are related, and one can be a predictor of another, but not neccessarily. There is usually a third (of fourth or fifth) independent factor that causes both the slutty dress, early sexual behavior, unplanned pregnanacy, etc. I am in no way implying that unplanned pregnanacy means that a person is slutty either.

Anyway, just a couple tid bits.

ll

Texas Wahine

on Nov 09, 2004

Leaping Lizard:

I think each child is born different, boys and girls, along a continuum of sexual behavior. Some boys end up more stereotypically feminine and some girls end up stereotypically masculine.

I agree with this, but with the caveat that gender roles are not entirely learned.

Parents, especially mothers, who date/remarry/have relations when their children are still living at hime tend to have more sexual children. It's also been proven that when a an unrelated male (stepfather figure) lives with a young female (upper elementary/middle school age) that puberty is rushed along. Those children (early developers) tend to be more permiscuous (sp? no idea) earlier in their lives.

That's interesting. Thanks for sharing that.

One thing I wanted to point out is that 'sexy' clothes don't cause slutty girls.

Sexy clothes are a symptom, but I also believe that a child has the idea (which is all around her in society) that she is a sex object and needs to be "sexy" reinforced by her parents dressing her that way.

Thanks for your comments.

dharmagrl

on Nov 09, 2004

Hey now, I have a tatt on my lower back...! And I didn't drop my pants for some stranger either, thank you very much!

As for what it looks like when I get older...well, that might be moot. the surgery I'm considering will mean an incision right through my tattoo......

LeapingLizard

on Nov 09, 2004

I also believe that a child has the idea (which is all around her in society) that she is a sex object and needs to be "sexy" reinforced by her parents dressing her that way.

right on.

ll

Texas Wahine

on Nov 09, 2004

dharma: he he he . . . I'm sure your tattoo is very lovely . . . if I ever get the tattoo I want, it will be on my very lower back, but I'm married, so no one can take me home anyway!

As for what it looks like when I get older...well, that might be moot. the surgery I'm considering will mean an incision right through my tattoo......

Now that sucks. What's the tattoo on your back of?

LL:

right on.

Thanks.

*I also realized that sentence is very mangled . . . I'm assuming you could make some sense of it . . . sorry about that

island_gurl12

on Nov 09, 2004

I've always thought that kids dressing like grown ups was wrong, and little girls wearing make up to go to school was a shame. But since every body seemd to do it i just kept it to myself (and my mum).

Heh, i'm sure she was a bit worried to see me hanging around with my brother and his friends. But maybe the fact that i was a real tomboy calmed her nerves. Or maybe she thought i'd end up lesbian???

But, yeah, parents should think twice b4 dressing up their daughters like hookers.

Dusk411

on Nov 09, 2004

I'm in my 20s and I haven't bought shorts in years since they are too short! I feel uncomfortable in them. However, I have switched to skirts since they come in varying lengths. I hated skirts when I was younger, but now I love them. But it's mostly due to the lack of choice in the shorts department.

I wonder if the young girls are really comfortable wearing the minis and knee-highs or think it's something they are supposed to do? Also, do they understand what message is sends out?

kingbee

on Nov 10, 2004

surprising, though, that the boy are so sexualized at that age, as well

hmmmm at risk of sounding sexist, having been a little boy a lonnnnnng time ago i say it comes with the territory so to speak. (on the other hand, i may have been the lil freak exception--i got quite a lecture from my dad ((who musta went around the corner and died laffing afterwards)) when i was bout 4 and im not gonna tell you why either )

MyViewsAndMuse

on Nov 10, 2004

Great article and replies. I have two daughters that are teenagers, the other two are >10. One, the oldest (14) wants to wear the low cut jeans, expose belly, wear thongs, bikini's etc. She has been like that since she was 10 or 11. The other daughter (13) wants to wear nice clothes but would never want to wear what her older sister wants to wear.
The dynamics of the whole thing is very interesting to me. The older daughter is more "worldly" than her sister. She is greatly concerned about what everyone thinks, what is popular, what is in. She is more easily influenced by the culture around her. The 13 year old, is fashion conscience but that is based upon what she feels in appropriate. While she has interests in current music, cultural icons (think Hillary Duff, Lohan, etc), she is not influenced by them like her older sister.
As to why it is this way I am sure there are many reasons, older child syndrome, desire for independence from parents which she perceives as being achieved by walking the line, peer pressure, etc.
Bottom line, parents are ultimately responsible for how their child is raised, some behavioral attributes just cannot be controlled but the impact they have can be minimized.

Texas Wahine

on Nov 10, 2004

islandgurl:

Me, too. Thanks for your comments.

Dusk:

Clothes are definitely more revealing and so many of the styles now require a specific body type . . . which would be OK if that weren't all the stores sold. I understand your pain on that, Dusk.

I wonder if the young girls are really comfortable wearing the minis and knee-highs or think it's something they are supposed to do?

I think it depends. Some little girls are naturally shy and modest, but want to fit in. Other little girls, however, are very much into the Brats/Britney Spears type culture that is all around them. Which is sad.

~little whip was here~

Thanks.

smitty:

The dynamics of the whole thing is very interesting to me. The older daughter is more "worldly" than her sister. She is greatly concerned about what everyone thinks, what is popular, what is in. She is more easily influenced by the culture around her. The 13 year old, is fashion conscience but that is based upon what she feels in appropriate. While she has interests in current music, cultural icons (think Hillary Duff, Lohan, etc), she is not influenced by them like her older sister.

That is very interesting. It's neat to hear from someone with 4 daughters -- I'm sure this topic is a daily thing for you and your wife to worry about!

As to why it is this way I am sure there are many reasons, older child syndrome, desire for independence from parents which she perceives as being achieved by walking the line, peer pressure, etc.

I agree, there are many factors that play into this.

Bottom line, parents are ultimately responsible for how their child is raised, some behavioral attributes just cannot be controlled but the impact they have can be minimized.

Yes, yes, yes. The buck stops with us.

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