I have never been a particularly beautiful woman.  Unfortunately, I am stuck with what genetics dealt me. 

Over the past few years, but especially most recently, I am noticing a marked decline in my aesthetics.  I am way too young for all this to be happening!

A few years ago I developed a nice double chin.  This is the most stubborn double chin in the history of mankind.  Its prominence is reduced by weight loss (and I could definitely use some of that), but it does not go away.  It just gets less noticable.  From the front, it's a double chin.  From the side, it's like a weak chin...you know how normal necks and jaws create an angle from the side?  Not mine.  It's like a sloping curve from my neck all the way to my chin.  This disturbs me greatly.

I used to have nice skin.  It has always been very, very pale (which I learned to be ok with), but it was nice and smooth and supple and mostly blemish-free.  Now I get zits.  My skin isn't radiant or smooth or lovely. 

I am seeing the beginnings of wrinkles on my forehead.  My undereyes are getting thin and saggy like an old lady's. 

My fat used to hold itself in much better.  Now it doesn't even care anymore.  It just wobbles whereever it likes.  I've even worn shapewear under sweatpants to combat this wayward fat problem.  Yes, weight loss is a good solution for this, but my body doesn't like to lose weight anymore.  Efforts that used to drop the pounds no longer have any effect. 

My average-looking belly button lost its allure after my first child.  Models have lovely vertical belly buttons.  My belly button winks.  This is also not affected by weight loss in the slightest.  My belly button has given up.

I noticed a weird feeling bump on the back of my neck near my hairline the other day.  Adrian checked it out and pronounced it some sort of medical term for a weird lump of fatty tissue that does not go away.

Just one of the myraid of body disappointments I'm having to accept.

My boobs aren't what they used to be.  Year by year they grow larger.  Disturbingly so.  I was in a D cup by late JR High.  I am now in a HH.  The fitting ladies at the store put me in a 32 band.  Now, I am not a small 32 person.  This bra is as tight as...something that is really tight.  Unfortunately, this tightness is what keeps my boobies up near my collar bones.  Otherwise, they are like curious toddlers, everywhere at once.  I can't wear many tops because either the design cuts my boobs in half or I look pornographic.  I'm not complaining about having big boobs (ok, well, HH is a little on the ridiculous side) because I do need them to balance out my equally massive hips, but I'm not sure my boobs don't end up making me look even fatter.

My most pressing concern, however, is the newest development:  gray hair.  I am 29 years old.  I only turned 29 in late January.  Every day I find new gray hairs.  No, not gray hairs.  WHITE hair.  Every time I look, I find 2 or 3 more.  Right now they're mostly underneath, but soon I will be very obviously gray.  Soon.  My paternal family go gray early.  Really early. 

Adrian says he still loves me even though I'm going gray.  My mom tells me that I can dye it (no I can't...I've developed an allergy to hair dye) and that if it's white hair, it could be really pretty.  Umm, not on a 29 year old.  Nope.  A lovely crown of solid white hair may flatter a 70 year old, but I'm much too young for that to be anything other than haggard and disturbing.

I am speeding toward old ladyhood.  I didn't have much in the looks department to begin with and now, at the age of 29, what I DID have is sagging, wrinkling, and changing colors right before my very eyes.

I wanted to be an attractive older lady.  Not going to happen.  Even with my best efforts, it's all going to be downhill from here.

I hate Cougars.  They suck.