What would you do?

Published on April 29, 2007 By Texas Wahine In Blogging

Ok, so let's pretend you have a kid. Let's call him "X". And let's say he's almost 10 years old. Next let's pretend that Santa Claus brought him a $250 Nintendo Wii for Christmas and X has this fairly expensive gaming console is in his room, attached to his very own (cheap) TV.

Then let's say X proceeds to not treat his remote (wiimote?) not so lovingly, leaving it tossed about in his room when he is not using it. Next let's pretend that X's daddy who is on a 15 month long business trip sends X a surprise: a copy of Super Paper Mario, all of X's little hopes and dreams burned onto one tiny disc.

Now imagine your kid, X, goes to play SPM only to discover that his remote is not functioning properly. He is upset. Let's pretend you tried to fix the remote, but nothing, not even liberally applied packaging tape, works.

So your child, X, has a nice new game ($50?) and a nice gaming console, but is unable to use either of them. Maybe the remote is broken due to neglect or maybe it is just malfunctioning, as that does sometimes happen with gaming accessories.

Should X be punished? Should you go to the store and buy a new remote immediately so X can play the game his daddy sent him? Should the Wii be taken away until X can prove he is responsible enough to have it?

What would you do?

Scroll down for my answer...

I did not take the Wii away. Actually I first told him he needed to wait until I spoke to his daddy so that he and I could discuss what the proper thing to do would be. X is a fairly responsible child, and he doesn't intentionally abuse his things, but I did want him to understand the value of what he has.

We talked about ways to show appreciation (expressions of gratitude, taking care of our things, etc.), and then I let him know I would make a list of chores/tasks for him to work through. We looked the remote up online so he could see how very expensive it is ($40).

Initially the list was going to have 40 items to match the 40 dollars, but Adrian felt like maybe that was excessive, so I went with 20 tasks. Some of the tasks are difficult and time consuming and some are easy. Some are even fun (shred junk mail, draw a picture for daddy).

I made him sweat it out for several days and then gave him his list today, which he was happy to have and started working on immediately. Knowing him, I honestly feel like he will have learned a lesson from this. Just a reminder that he is fortunate to have things of value that he enjoys and he should be grateful and take care of those things.

I may talk with him about how hard daddy has to work to earn money when he finishes his list. Around here no one works, so maybe he it seems like we just "get" money.

I don't know if I should have punished him or taken his Wii away or not. I know he didn't intentionally destroy the remote. He just didn't look after it as well as he should have. And I know how much this game, and the fact that it was a gift from daddy, means to him.

I'm such a softy. I hope I am doing right by him.

Comments (Page 1)

pseudosoldier

on Apr 29, 2007

In all honesty, that's pretty close to what I would have suggested. I don't know if X gets a regular allowance; one suggestion I have seen is to have them get an allowance not normally tied to chores (yes, paying them for chores might make them learn about working to earn a wage, but then they might just decide to live off of MommyDaddyWelfare). Extra chores could be paid for, like you're doing. I've also seen some suggest to have like a "company store," where they work for credit and then you can set prices on items (dropping prices on items you want them to have or raising it on things you're trying to steer them from).

It's all social engineering, behavior conditioning and brainwashing, huh? You seem to have a good handle on it, though.

Sugar High Elf

on Apr 29, 2007

Haha! I was going to suggest making him do chores to "pay" for the new remote. So, I think that's a great decision. Teaches him responsibility without ruining the gift from dad.

You're such a great mom. Don't ever doubt that. I only hope I do half as well if I ever have kids. (Especially with your crazy circumstances. I mean, damn girl! You're good!)

MasonM

on Apr 29, 2007

I'd sell his scalp to the British.

Oh wait, wrong century.

Yeah, working it off is a good lesson in responsibility and the reality of how we acquire things in the real world.

terpfan1980

on Apr 29, 2007

I think you handled it perfectly. Teach X the lesson of taking care of his things and earning things he wants along the way.

I'd also say $40 for that remote is a big WTF!?!? $40!?!?!?!?! Too much.

I'm glad I haven't spent money on a Wii yet and don't have family in the house that wants it that badly. Bad enough I spent too much on Xbox 360 stuff (which I'm trying to cut back on as best I can).

Zoologist03

on Apr 30, 2007

I'd say that's a good plan of action...today's electronic toys are expensive, as are the accessories for them. Personally I treat every technological marvel that I get like a precious treasure....I hate buying replacements for things that should not have to be replaced....bleh.

Good parenting, Tex.

~Zoo

KarmaGirl

on Apr 30, 2007

I think you handled it right. If he wouldn't have just put the remote "wherever" in his room, you may have looked at it as more of a piece of faulty equipment. But, as it is, it could be the way he treated it.

I think that having kids pay for their own stuff is good, anyway. It lets them learn from very early on that nothing is free, and you can get what you want if you just keep working for it.

EmperorofIceCream

on Apr 30, 2007

I think that having kids pay for their own stuff is good, anyway

Yup. I'd have done something similar, and was thinking along those lines before I scrolled down to see your own solution.

Whether he damaged it through neglect or the thing was defective (and out of warranty) he'll learn the value of things if he has to put some effort of his own into obtaining them.

The only thing different I might have done was assign a dollar amount to each task based on it's difficulty, and maybe allowed him to reduce a portion of what he 'owed' by donating a few of his older (but in good condition, of course) toys to charity.

EmperorofIceCream

on Apr 30, 2007

^ that was LW, of course ^

just john

on Apr 30, 2007

Tex, you could write a book. You never seem to take the easy way out (in your blogs at least - ha!).

The only thing I might add is a proactive solution... somewhere to put the wii-mote when it's not in use.

Sugar High Elf

on Apr 30, 2007

Tex, you could write a book.

I agree! I imagine it would be a pretty freaking awesome book too. And just think, you already have the notes for it... just look at your past articles where you talk about raising your kids and you're good to go!

lifehappens

on Apr 30, 2007

You are a great mom. I bet that the lesson he learns here will stick with him longer than the resentment he might have felt if you just took his Wii away.

Texas Wahine

on Apr 30, 2007

pseudo: I really like your suggestions. I am not consistent with how the children earn or receive money. We do the stickers for credits for Fun Factory thing (and they can buy back items they've lost due to a dirty room), but other times I just give them money...lol, and then other times I tell them no.

Thanks for the suggestions. I may look into doing something like that.

SHE: You're giving me too much credit, but thanks!

I agree, I didn't want to sour the specialness of his gift from his daddy (or "dad" as he now calls him since he's apparently 25, haha).

Mason: Thanks for the reassurance! I appreciate it. I'll keep the scale sale thing in mind. Haha.

Terp: Thanks. I agree, $40 is WTF?!?!? territory. Haha, but you just can't play the damn thing without it.

Zoo: Good for you. I hope I can teach my kids to do the same. I am not always the best at taking care of my things (I hardly ever turn my laptop off, LOL), so I know I can set a better example.

Karma: EXACTLY. It honestly could just be a problem with the remote, but since I know he didn't care for it properly, there's no way to be sure. And I want him to learn to take better care of the next one.

LW: Thanks. That's a really good idea about assigning a varying dollar value to his tasks. (I do that with stickers sometimes, give extras for a particularly challenging task, a good attitude, or going above and beyond on a task)

I should have asked you guys before I did anything, LOL. Y'all have such great ideas.

The charity idea is really good and fits well with what I'm trying to teach him. We do give their clothes and toys to charity regularly (once every 1-2 months we box things up for Big Brothers Big Sisters), and I may still have him do that as part of this "lesson"...heh, and Orian can get in on that too since that little guy is a filthy pig when it comes to keeping his room clean and keeping toys put away.

JJ: Awww, thank you. That's so nice. I am actually a pretty crappy mom a lot of the time. I just try really, really hard. Hehe.

It's funny that you mentioned having him find a nice, safe spot to store his wiimote -- that was one of the tasks on his list!

SHE: LOL. Actually it occurred to me the other day that all these blogs would make a great family journal for the kids to read when they're grown.

I should probably edit out all my cursing though!

LH: Thanks. That means a lot coming from you. I think you totally rock as a mom (and a wife, and a house remodeler, and trapeeze artist, and a photographer, etc.!).

Zoologist03

on Apr 30, 2007

(I hardly ever turn my laptop off, LOL)

Hey, it's alright to play with stuff all day...as long as you don't toss it around and break it...and as always, keep the amount of dust on it to reasonable levels.

~Zoo

uDigItTheMost

on Apr 30, 2007

I hope I am doing right by him.

I think it's safe to say you are. You always come to reasonable conclusions with your kids. I only hope if I ever become a parent I have the same patience and understanding you seem to have.

Well done, Tex

pseudosoldier

on Apr 30, 2007

pseudo: I really like your suggestions. I am not consistent with how the children earn or receive money. We do the stickers for credits for Fun Factory thing (and they can buy back items they've lost due to a dirty room), but other times I just give them money...lol, and then other times I tell them no.Thanks for the suggestions. I may look into doing something like that.

For what it's worth, I like your ideas, too.

I need to start my sons (especially the oldest) on an allowance system this summer and try to find some kind of chores for them to do (difficult while living in an apartment, but we'll at least try to clean up after ourselves).

I am actually a pretty crappy mom a lot of the time.

I sincerely doubt that.

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