I feel so much guilt right now.  I think I may have done something really bad.

I woke Orian up this morning at 7 am.  I made sure he was awake (this was after waking up his brother).  I told him to get dressed and come downstairs for breakfast. 

When I got downstairs I changed and dressed the baby, drank a glass of OJ/water, made 2 bowls of cereal and put them on the dining room table, and sat down with my laptop and nursed the baby while checking my email and JU and all that.

At 7:15 am I called up to Orian and he was not ready.  I encouraged him to hurry because his breakfast was waiting for him.

At 7:30 am I called up to Orian and then asked Xavier to check on him.  Xavier assured me that Orian was awake and would be right down.

At 7:45 am I went upstairs to check on him and discovered that he was sitting on the floor in his underwear doing absolutely nothing, and had been doing nothing for 45 minutes.  I told him he would need to get ready quickly because he was late and running out of time for breakfast.

7:45 am is actually a good time to leave the house to walk to school.  Any later and we get into must-drive-and-drop-off territory, which I try not to do unless I have an appointment or something (or Orian's leg is hurting, which it isn't anymore...it seems to be healed now and he no longer has any complaint with it). 

7:50 am Orian is still upstairs.  I go upstairs and find that he is still sitting in the floor in his underwear, clutching a shirt.  I rush him down the stairs, complaining that he is late.  FINALLY he says, "I can't find any pants." 

THAT was his reasoning for why he sat on the floor in his underwear for FIFTY MINUTES.  I was so pissed off.  He had clean jeans and shorts in the dryer (the rest are in the boys' bathroom floor because apparently we need to go through laundry boot camp for them to understand that I can't wash what I don't have, and putting laundry in a HAMPER instead of THE FLOOR is their responsibility).  If he had asked, I could have easily told him this.  He would have been dressed by no later than 7:15 am, with 30 minutes to eat breakfast and dick around.

I was angry at how he chose to spend his morning, angry at the fact that his laziness made HIS BROTHER late, and further, just ANGRY.

So he came downstairs IN HIS UNDERWEAR.  He didn't even bother to put his shirt on.  I put his shirt on him (quite roughly) and then gave him his pants which he put on slowly as if he were savoring a dessert.  This pissed me off further.

It was far too late for him to sit and eat cereal and yuk it up.  I told him so, in a not very sweet way.  I told him he had wasted too much time and there was no time for breakfast.  I told him that he would get hungry at school and when his stomach growled I wanted him to remember why -- because he sat around all morning instead of getting ready. 

And then I took him to school WITHOUT breakfast.

I feel so guilty and I know this is *exactly* the kind of thing that make teachers worry about kids.  No breakfast, no brain food.  Too hungry, can't concentrate. 

I could have given him a bar to eat in the car on the way, but honestly, I *wanted* him to feel uncomfortable until lunch time because this morning sloth leading to frantic lateness is a habit for him and I want to crush it.  I know Adrian wouldn't be upset with me;  he would approve.  But I'm upset with me.  It's a terrible thing to do to a kid.

I am so sad for him.  I think maybe I made a really bad decision.