Going to the Urgent Care Clinic for Blue Balls

Ha! Is that an inspired title or what?

Published on April 2, 2007 By Texas Wahine In Blogging

I spent most of today cleaning since Spring Break is over and school starts tomorrow and I wanted our routine to get off to a good start.

I was close to having everything I wanted to do done and in time to watch The Simpsons, too.

Out of nowhere my middle child announced that he had something in his ear.

Ok. It could be wax. I've seen the insides of his ears.

"It's a little blue ball," he told me.

I asked him if HE put it in there (obviously he did because little blue balls don't just magically materialize inside ears). He did the Bill Cosby I-don't-know routine before finally softly admitting that he did put it in theren for reasons unknown to himself.

He defended his actions by telling me that he had put a tiny ball in there on a different day and it had fallen out all by itself. Great defense.

I got out my trusty otoscope to check out the damage (I'm using that thing way too much).

Sure enough, there was a shiny blue blockage inside his ear. I considered trying to pry it out with a sterilized metal curette, but just before attempting it I realized I would probably push it in farther and make things worse.

We were all ratty from chillin' and cleanin', so I made him scrub the blue stuff (Flavor-Ice? Marker?) off his face and arms. We all put on clean clothes and I slapped on some make-up so as not to frighten anyone in the clinic.

I had the terrific foresight to DVR The Simpsons, Family Guy, and American Dad before we headed out the door.

When I signed in, the Officer at the desk tried to discourage me from having him seen by warning me that it was a 3 hour or more wait.

I explained what was wrong, and they decided one of the medics could take us into a room and possibly just quickly grab the ball and we'd be on our way.

I knew it was pretty far in, but no one ever listens to me.

Sure enough, the medic confirmed that he would need to be seen by someone with some seriously cool ear accessories and also noted that the inside of his ear was a little bloody.

Sitting in a waiting room for 3 hours with 3 children should be the punishment for stealing cars or kicking puppies.

We made the best of it, though. The boys were incredibly well-behaved, drawing and playing and talking with their sister. Izzy's bedtime rapidly approached and she was super grumpy, but we did ok.

After several hours of waiting we were taken back to a room to wait some more. The boys had fun playing doctor and pretending to shock each other. Isabella laughed the most I've ever heard her laugh.

We did palm-readings on each other and I found out that in the future I'll have two dogs and live in medium-sized metal house. And I'll be married to a handsome man. Hopefully it's Adrian.

Orian also kept farting and remarked that he had "international gas"...hahahahha. He meant intestinal, but I think international gas sounds way better.

When my little guy was finally seen, he turned out to be a bit of an enigma. They tried to flush the bead out with water, but it didn't budge. They also tried to pry it out with metal chopstick things and that didn't work (and it hurt him). They had a plastic curette but decided against using it.

They gave up and called in the doctor.

We played more games while waiting for the doctor (only way I can keep the boys from trashing the place) and the doctor happened to walk in while we were cutting up and being stupid. I'm sure she thought I was nuts.

I know the Officer we saw wanted to lecture my little guy on not putting things in his ears, daddy-style.

Maybe we should have been more somber.

The doctor looked and confirmed that whatever it is (it came from under the entertainment center, btw) is way back there.

We have a referral for Ear, Nose, and Throat tomorrow and that is sure to suck. I wonder how they're going to get that thing out.

One of the guys who saw my son said he should sleep on the afflicted ear. Give gravity a shot at it, I guess.

Tomorrow is round 2. Wish me luck.

(PS - I know I'm behind replying to my other articles, but I'll catch up, I promise! I'm not ignoring you guys. I check JU all the time...I just don't always have full use of my arms for typing.)

Comments (Page 2)

MasonM

on Apr 02, 2007

Mason: LOL at your "magic trick"... And apparently it's STILL painful!

Yep, sounds exactly like they way they did me, restraints and all. I'm sure they could hear me screaming all over the hospital.

Funny the stupid shit we remember. I'll betcha when he's an old man of 45 he'll still remember it too.

Question of the Day

on Apr 02, 2007

I'm glad he survived it. It sounds like a terrible experience. I'm not sure that if I was his mother I could have survived it. You must be very strong.

In reading all the responses I've come up with a theory. You know how kids use hot wheel tracks to race cars aroud and make them do crazy things, or those bead play toys? Maybe he was imitating the same thing in his ear. The bead would start at the top of his ear and naturally follow the contour down. Unfortunatley his little race car got going a little to fast and made it into the black hole. Then when he tried to get it out he just pushed it in more. Just a thought.

At any rate I'm glad it's out. I was seriosly thinking he would have a perforated ear drum either from the ball or from the extractin of the ball. I've had one - it's quite painful.

momijiki

on Apr 02, 2007

I think kids do it because they see it as a version of that game given to babies where they have to stick toys in the correctly shaped hole, etc. Maybe this is just another version.

My sister stuck a tic-tac up her nose when we were kids. She doesn't know why either. I watched her do it. I'm only a year older, though. As I remember it, she looked at the tic-tac, some sort of thought process went on that was probably like, "Hmmm... this tic-tac is smaller then my nostril. It should fit. Let's test it!"

Not to be outdone, few years later my sister's friend stuck a barbie lemon up her nose. I can only imagine that she planned to plug the other nostril and shoot the lemon out of her nose when she snorted as some kind of new nasal ballistics.

Glad your Orian is okay. This is probably a great story for years down the road that his brother and sister can torture him with when sitting around and joking at the kitchen table or when he brings a girlfriend home.

Question of the Day

on Apr 03, 2007

or when he brings a girlfriend home

Yeah Orian, do you remember back when you had to go to the emergency clinic for blue-balls. HaHaHaHa!!!! Can you image the look on the girlfriends face?

MarcieMoo

on Apr 03, 2007

Tex...I may be a little out of line and a little simplistic, but couldn't you just have hit him on the OPPOSITE side of his head really hard? I mean, come on here, super mom.

lol j/k

Texas Wahine

on Apr 03, 2007

Shovel: Oh gosh, don't say that! Haha. My innocent little boy is never going to be fooling around with girls!

Maso: Dead zombie...haha...and yuck! I could see something like that coming from my boys as playing zombie is one of their favorite things.

SHE: LOL.

Mason: Awww, that's sad. Have you ever seen/listened to Dane Cook's little routine about smashing an ice cream cone in a kid's face? Haha. If not, you need to look that up. It fits!

QOD: There is nothing I hate more than to see my children hurting. It really does suck. Usually daddy handles these types of situations, but so long as there's not like an open wound or copious amounts of blood I can handle it ok.

I was worried about his eardrum, too. I think he's pretty lucky, actually!

momijiki: You and QOD have some good theories going there. I think there's a parenting or child psychology book waiting to happen right there. haha.

I guess it's really common for kids to do these things. My oldest once lodged a Gundam sword (toy sword) up in his nose that took some skillfull tweezer work to extract, and Orian used to stuff fake berries from a centerpiece I have up his nose.

QOD: LOL. I almost brought my camera along to document the journey, but I thought it might be cruel/inappropriate. Hehe.

Marcie: Too funny! Orian actually suggested they try that when we were at the clinic. Hahahaha.

dharmagrl

on Apr 03, 2007

When Davey was small - just about to turn 2 - he bit the end off of a Crayola chunky marker, and, for reasons unknown to everyone but himself, shoved the end up his nose.

Waaaaaayyyy up his nose. Almost in his sinus cavity.

I knew something was up when I saw turquoise snot coming from his snout. I could see the tip, but there was no way it was coming out, so I had to take him to the ER on base, where they strapped him down to the little kid papoose and tried to get it out. The first doc only succeeded in shoving it even further up, so they called and ENT (the proper term is otolaryngologist, and it's one of my favorite words. I dunno why...) guy in and had him remove it. They ended up using a combination of the suction device and a plastic ear loop, and Davey didn't like it at ALL.

Apparently he didn't learn anything from that experience, because 6 months later he shoved a bead up his nose AGAIN and we had to repeat the whole thing. He hasn't however, stuck anything in any orifice since (not that I know of, anyway).

One of my husband's cousin's couldn't figure out why her son smelled funky - until she took him in for a well-child appointment and the doctor found what WAS a dried bean in his ear. The combination of his earwax, soap/shampoo and water had rehydrated it and it had rotted. I don't know how valid the story is; she can be a little dramatic and sometimes exaggerates, but I thought I'd pass it along anyway.

You're a good mom, Tex. Just wanted you to know that.

KarmaGirl

on Apr 03, 2007

VERY weird! Did they ask her why?

Hehe..yeah, and it's even weirder- she didn't know what else to do with them. Kids are weird.

Gideon MacLeish

on Apr 03, 2007

Tex,

You mentioned swaddling, I'd like to make a comment on that, if I may (completely offtopic, but important).

When Joshua was born, at his newborn checkup, the dr. heard a "click" that indicates possible hip dysplasia. It's not highly unusual, but if it is hip dysplasia, it can cause serious problems when the child begins walking.

So, being the dilligent person I am, I went out and decided to discover all I could about hip dysplasia. In infants, it usually happens when the ball doesn't get the chance to settle into the hip for a good fit. The treatment is to force the baby's legs into an outward position so that they can settle in properly.

Now, here's what got me going: one of the primary reasons the hip doesn't settle properly is swaddling. I was shocked when I read this, of course, as we've always been taught to swaddle our babies. Now, clearly, a child without the potential for hip dysplasia will not have this problem, but it seems odd to me that we advise parents to do something that could be potentially damaging as a matter of course.

OK, back on tangent. Glad the bead has been extricated.

Gideon MacLeish

on Apr 03, 2007

I didn't know swaddling could cause hip dysplagia (Izzy's hips are fine).

I didn't know till I did the stuff after Joshua's checkup...and I was really, really pissed after I found out.

I often wonder how many of the practices we consider good parenting will be considered bad in the future.

Fortunately none of our children suffered either. They all kicked their way loose at a young age.

Texas Wahine

on Apr 03, 2007

Dharma: That's frickin' scary. (Turquise snot was probably pretty cool, though. You should have taken pics, LOL.)

I never (that I remember or that I've been told) stuck anything in my ears or nose. I did stick a sharp cupcake decoration in my brother's ear though.

Yuck about the bean. Ugh.

How old was your little guy when he stopped shoving things in his face holes?

Gid: Thanks for the heads-up.

Unfortunately we are waaaaay too addicted to swaddling now to stop, haha. Seriously, I'm trying to wean her off it, and she is NOT having it. I talked to our doc at her check-up and she said it was ok for her to continue to be swaddled.

With some babies it can delay their development if they are chronically swaddled but Izzy is only swaddled at night and the doc said she's way strong so she's not worried.

I didn't know swaddling could cause hip dysplagia (Izzy's hips are fine). That is really good to know. (We actually didn't start swaddling right away, but once we did, she was hooked!) I may share that bit of info with some other moms.

Thanks.

Karma: Hahahaa...well, when you put it THAT way, it makes perfect sense. LOL.

On a slightly related note: I was eating (yes, eating) a sucker last night and undid my tongue ring (ok, I was munching hardcore on the sucker) and almost swallowed it. I was freaking out until I found the ball inside the chewed up candy/gum mass of what was left of my Blowpop.

Not as bad as sticking it in my ear, but still...

MasonM

on Apr 03, 2007

Mason: Awww, that's sad. Have you ever seen/listened to Dane Cook's little routine about smashing an ice cream cone in a kid's face? Haha. If not, you need to look that up. It fits!

Nah, not sad at all. I can laugh about it now. Of course I didn't think it was too funny at the time. But then, I did a LOT of stupid stuff growing up so I have a lot to look back on and laugh about.

Yeah, I've seen Cook's routine.

foreverserenity

on Apr 03, 2007

Good grief, glad it all turned out ok. So sorry he's in pain but you're right, he won't be doing that again! You handled it all brilliantly Tex! Give Orian a hug for me and tell him I hope he feels better soon.

Swaddling, I did that with my 3, thank heavens nothing happened. Amanda, my little one loved it especially, must be something about it for the 3 babies!

JillUser

on Apr 03, 2007

Wow TW, those kids keep testing you don't they. Sounds like one of those "what the hell were you thinking?!" moments that come all too often with little boys. My last one was a year ago (so we are on quite a streak!). We had just watched A Christmas Story and I discussed not sticking one's tongue on metal things when it's cold outside. Ryan, then 4, had to test it out himself I guess. We had even discussed that IF you did do it for some reason, call for help, don't ever just yank your tongue off. Well, guess what, Ry stuff his tongue to the swing chain and proceeded to rip it off. He came running in screaming with a mouth full of blood. That's always something you want to be greeted with.

He learned that lesson the hard way which seems to be his way.

Sounds like you handled things well. I am thankful for my otoscope too! I think everyone should have one.

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